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Disagreeing with my brother

In a recent post, twindaddy stated that Episode 2 was the worst Star Wars movie. During a second blog, he pointed out the flaws in the rest of the movies. While I agree on everything he said was wrong with Attack of the Clones, I have to say that Episode 1 is the worst of the six. I recently watched The Phantom Menace again and noticed more things that are wrong and/or stupid in it, besides what twindaddy has already pointed out.

Before I begin, I feel like I must reiterate how bad Jar Jar Binks is. I know it’s already been covered, but, in my opinion, he’s the worst thing in any movie, ever (although the “love story” in Episode 2 is a close second). I’ll take “Greedo shooting first” over Jar Jar any day of the week.

1. The pod race: While some may argue that the pod race was either cool or suspenseful, I didn’t like it because it was completely unnecessary. The reason Anakin was in the pod race was because they were gambling for the money they needed to buy parts for their spaceship. Watto has the parts, but won’t sell it to them because they only have Republic Credits.

Really? Are you trying to tell me that there are no banks or businesses on Tatooine that can exchange the credits for wuipi (or whatever the hell the people of Tatooine call their money)? Bullshit. How would their spaceports stay in business if there was no way to take money from offworlders?

For the sake of argument, however, let’s say that there is no place to exchange money. Qui-Gon was willing to try to use the Jedi Mind Trick on Watto to get him to take the credits. That’s not a bad thing. He’s still trying to pay him for the parts. Why not just wait until dark, take the parts, and leave the credits for Watto? They get the parts and Watto gets the money, just not the kind of money he wants.

2. The Bongo Ride: After meeting up with the Gungans, they take a Bongo to try to reach Queen Amidala. While under water, they are attacked twice by giant fish looking to eat them. Both times, they are miraculously saved at the last second by bigger fish eating the fish that are chasing them. You can call it luck or the Force. Either way, it’s ridiculous.

The other thing ridiculous about the Bongo ride? Jar Jar freaks out about the fish and Qui-Gon uses the Vulcan neck pinch to knock him out. While I’m glad there was something that shut Jar Jar up for a few minutes, they used the Vulcan neck pinch. Stealing Spock’s move to use in a Star Wars movie? Not cool.

3. The¬†Final Battle: Apparently, to win a war in Episode 1, you have to be a clutz or not know what you’re doing. Jar Jar kills a bunch of droids by fumbling grenades and Anakin destroys the control ship by hitting random buttons, shooting off missiles. Why bother training troops? All you have to do is get them drunk and send them off to fight.

I also don’t get the Gungan shield. It can stop laser and cannon fire, but the droids can walk right through it? How does that work?

Conclusion: While Episode 2 has many flaws, I still think Episode 1 is worse. Other than the “love story” scenes, I can watch Attack of the Clones without getting pissed off. The same cannot be said for The Phantom Menace. Every time I watch it, I find something new that pisses me off.

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About Revis Edgewater

I'm Revis Edgewater, the world's only zombie killing rogue ninja. I'm also the First Knight of the Matticus Kingdom. I write stuph that's 33 grams of whatever I'm writing about.

Discussion

5 thoughts on “Disagreeing with my brother

  1. Pod Race>Love Story
    Darth Maul vs Obi-Wan and Qui-Gonn>Dooku vs Anakin and Obi-Wan
    E1>E2

    Like

    Posted by twindaddy | August 10, 2011, 5:26 pm
  2. I know Liam Neison kicks ass, but just because he’s in it doesn’t make it better.
    All fights (except lightsaber) E1 < All fights (except lightsaber) E2
    Love Story > Jar Jar (Granted he was in 2, but only for a minute)
    Story E2 > Story E1
    E2 > E1
    Also, and this has nothing to do with the E1 vs E2 debate, have you noticed that Yoda's backwards talking seems forced in the prequels? "Around the survivors, a perimeter create."
    A bunch of shit it is.

    Like

    Posted by revisedgewater | August 12, 2011, 3:08 pm
    • Agree, I do, with your assessment of Yoda’s speech clusterfuck. Wrong, you are, that E2 is better.

      Your assessment that E2’s story is better falls short because the E2 story contains the “love story”. There’s nothing productive about the E2 story. At least the E1 story explains how Anakin was discovered and ultimately accepted into the Jedi order. E2 is just foreshadowing Anakin’s fall and shows the first five minutes of the clone wars. Not productive at all. Plus, that shit with R2 and 3PO during the Battle of Geonisis is just as dumb as the shit with Jar Jar at the Battle of Naboo. So, yeah, I’m right.

      Like

      Posted by twindaddy | August 12, 2011, 10:54 pm

We don't tolerate scum.

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