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Things I Should Not Be Subjected To

Things I Should Not Be Subjected To: Obvious Instructions

I just got home from work a little bit ago, and I’m starving.  My wife is at the doctor with a friend who had hurt her foot so I texted her to ask if I should wait for her to get home to eat or if I could go ahead and make something for myself to eat.

My wife replied that she’s just now leaving and that she was going to make the salmon fillets we bought at the store last weekend.  I decided to go ahead and make dinner; that way I will get to eat sooner and it will be ready by the time she gets home.

I yanked the two boxes of salmon from the freezer and read the instructions.  Bake for 14-16 minutes at 400 degrees.  Got it.  I open the box and each box has two fillets in plastic bags.  I grabbed a pair of scissors from the drawer to cut them and just as I’m about to open the first one I notice words on the side of the bag.  This is what it said:

Important:  Remove fillet(s) from plastic bag before cooking!

Are you fucking kidding me?  Who needs to be told this?  I mean, thank God it said that because I was about ready to throw the fillets in the oven, bag and all.  The warning didn’t include what the consequences of failing to comply would be but I can only assume they are dire.

I’m sorry if this isn’t PC or if this may seem a bit rude (am I?  am I really?), but if you don’t have the sense to take your food out of a plastic bag before cooking it then you deserve whatever happens to you.  Perhaps you’ll even win a Darwin Award.

I believe the single biggest problem with the human race currently is that natural selection has been eliminated.  Smart people protect the dumb people from themselves.  So instead of the dumb people dying from their own stupidity (trying to use the hair dryer in the shower, for example [yes, hair dryers tell you not to do that on the side]) they live on. . .and then breed.

I know these warnings aren’t necessarily the idea of some smart person trying to help a dumb person, but are created to prevent a lawsuit from the family of some poor schmuck who failed to realize that the platform on his folding ladder was only durable enough to hold a can of paint and not his entire body.  That being said, however, smart people need to quit protecting dumb people.  If a family sues then the judge should hand the family an “I’m stupid” sign, a la Bill Engvall.  Then the judge should fine the family for attempting to extort money from a decent company that put a sign on the tray that said the weight limit was 20lbs.  Really, nobody should make money because they’re related to an idiot.

This post kind of turned into a tangent, but I honestly can’t stand for the obvious to be stated.  If you have to be told things that normal people can plainly see or figure out easily, then you should suffer those consequences and learn from your failure as a human being.

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2 thoughts on “Things I Should Not Be Subjected To: Obvious Instructions

  1. Great tangent! Awesome title, as well!


    Posted by The Hook | January 28, 2012, 7:48 am

We don't tolerate scum.

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