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Daily Prompt

Daily Prompt: Dear Leader

If your government (local or national) accomplishes one thing in 2013, what would you like that to be?

Dear Mr. President,

I’m writing you today to address a grave concern that many citizens in this country currently share.   I know you’re still out on the campaign trail (even though you’ve already won) in an attempt to ensure that your constituents believe that Republicans are to blame when we venture head-first over the fiscal cliff, but there’s a more pressing issue to address.

I’m sure you’re probably wondering what this issue could possibly be.  What’s more important than spending cuts and tax hikes?  Is it the war in Afghanistan?  The conflict in Syria?  Gun control?  Saving Twinkies?

No, Mr. President.  This concern trumps all of those worthy causes.

The answer, Mr. President, is zombies of course.  The zombie apocalypse will begin soon.  This Saturday to be exact.  The first day after the end of the Mayan calendar.  The day the zombie uprising begins.

A snapshot of our impending doom, Mr. President.

What precautions have we taken to prevent this, if any?  What plans are in place to quell this uprising?  And for heaven’s sake why are we talking about banning guns when we’ll be overrun by zombies this weekend?  I can’t double-tap if I don’t have a gun, Mr. President.

This needs to be addressed immediately, Mr. President.  If we can’t defend ourselves from the zombie hordes we won’t be around to even go over the fiscal cliff.  Will the National Guard be on standby?  Will our armed forces be recalled to help protect our land?  Have our police forces, EMT’s, and firefighters been prepared for what they’ll face?

If not, I have a helpful list of 5 things we can do to train our protectors for the coming fight.

  1. Watching Zombieland should be mandatory for all police officers, firefighters, and military forces.  This training manual contains vital rules and lessons for survival and killing zombies.

  2. Training simulators.  These include playing Left 4 Dead, Dead Rising, and Resident Evil.

  3. Get to your nearest Kinko’s, and make millions of copies of this survival guide to pass out to military personel and civilians alike.  Make it rain with these bitches.
  4. I lied before about not saving Twinkies.  We’ll need sustenance and that shit doesn’t ever expire.  Bailout Hostess.  Now.
  5. The general public needs to be warned of its impending doom.  As ludicrous as it seems, there are probably still people out there that aren’t aware that the Mayan calendar will be ending, and thus unleashing an army of undead upon this world.  We’ll have to risk the panic and mass hysteria that follows and put signs like these everywhere:

Mr. President, I hope you understand the seriousness of this letter.  The consequences could be dire if you don’t.  We need to prepare now, while we still have time.  It is my hope that if we accomplish nothing else in 2013, that we successfully suppress the zombie revolution.  We can only do that if we’re prepared, though.

Are you, Mr. President?

Sincerely,

Twindaddy

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Discussion

27 thoughts on “Daily Prompt: Dear Leader

  1. Personally, I would like to see stricter immigration laws placed and enforced. Living in Arizona, that, IMO, is the greatest thing that we are dealing with as it stands.

    Like

    Posted by Villify Me | December 19, 2012, 11:05 am
  2. Thank you, thank you, thank you for taking a humorous approach to this prompt today. I needed the laugh!

    Like

    Posted by djmatticus | December 19, 2012, 11:23 am
  3. Um, with the ZA about to happen, shouldn’t we being trying to save the Twinkie too? Just saying, what are we going to eat?

    Like

    Posted by sha'tashari | December 19, 2012, 12:11 pm
  4. There are many things I don’t get, but the zombie craze is the top of the list.

    All I can say is “huh?”

    Like

    Posted by Elyse | December 19, 2012, 8:46 pm
  5. Seriously funny! I have the survival guide but that flyer gets to the main points pretty well.

    Like

    Posted by leah | December 19, 2012, 10:51 pm
  6. Phew, for a minute there I thought you weren’t going to save the twinkies!

    Like

    Posted by MissFourEyes | December 20, 2012, 5:20 am
  7. Hahaha! Love it. We just had a work party for birthdays in Nov / Dec with the End of the World Zombie theme. Because we are mature librarians. I am GLAD to see something that’s funny – or . . . is it?

    P.S. It may have already begun. I personally know a few people that could, in fact, be zombies.

    Like

    Posted by aliceatwonderland | December 20, 2012, 9:25 am
  8. My wife told me she read that the army is now training for the zombie apocalypse. Good job, your letter got through.

    Like

    Posted by beefybooyawn | December 23, 2012, 2:10 am

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Pingback: I’M RUBBER YOU’RE GLUE… « hastywords - December 19, 2012

  2. Pingback: Dear Leader | Beyond Beauty Tips - February 25, 2013

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