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Daily Prompt

Daily Prompt: Resolved

Have you ever made a New Year’s Resolution that you kept?

Have I ever made a New Year’s Resolution that I kept?  Well???  Have I?

Pfft, no.

“Twindaddy, you unmotivated tool, you!” you may be thinking.  This is true, but that’s not why I’ve never kept a resolution.  I have never kept a resolution because I’ve never made a New Year’s Resolution.

That’s right, Jackie, I’ve never made a New Year’s resolution.  I think they are stupid.

Big whoop. Wanna fight about it?

Any time I’ve ever decided something in my life needed to change, I make that change right away.  I don’t wait for a new year to start, that’s just ludicrous.  I mean, back in August, when I realized I wasn’t the person I thought I was, after seeing in black and white the way I was treating my wife, what sense would it have made to wait until January to make any changes?  The simple answer is that it wouldn’t have made sense.  Don’t put off today what you can do tomorrow.  Wait, I think I did that wrong.  Well, you get the idea, right?

The typical resolutions are sometimes just asinine.  For example:

  • Lose weight.  That’s a noble goal, and one that I’ve embarked upon many a time, but I don’t wait until January to do this.  I do it the same day I look in the mirror and realize what a fat ass I’ve become.  
  • Stop smokingWell, seeing as how I’ve never smoked this wouldn’t ever apply to me, but this should be a resolution that every smoker should make every day.  What a nasty habit you smokers have.  Buttpuffers.

    Hey, even Uncle Sam says so.

  • Be nicer.  Fuck that!  Ha ha ha!  But seriously, this is another thing you should resolve to do on a daily basis.  If at any point during the year you discover you’re a jackass you shouldn’t think to yourself, “Okay, self, I’ll fix this in January.  Until then, I’ll continue to be a jackass.  If people call me out on it, I’ll let them know that I’ve resolved to quit being a jackass next year.”

    It WOULD be easier to be nice if there was less rampant stupidity.

  • Quit drinking.  Why?  Why would you do this?  Unless you’re an alcoholic there’s no reason for it.  And even then you shouldn’t quit completely.  Just cut back a little.  You have to be sober sometimes.  When you’re driving, for instance.  Other than that, alcohol enhances life.  That’s why I don’t refer to it as being drunk.  I refer to it as being “enhanced.”

The other problem with resolutions is the implication that there’s something wrong with the way you are.  Why should I have to make resolutions?  That’s just asking me to find all of the ways I suck.  Why would I want to do that?  Why focus on the negative?  I’m fucking fantabulous the way I am!  Dammit!

Resolutions (1)


I guess this was a completely roundabout way of saying this, but I don’t believe in New Year’s Resolutions.  I don’t actively search for ways that I’m horrible.  If I find one, I address it at that time.  There’s no sense in putting it off for another year.  I’m starting to feel like this post is getting redundant, so I should probably quit while I’m ahead.

What about you, dearest reader?  Do you do resolutions?  If so, what resolutions did you make?

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68 thoughts on “Daily Prompt: Resolved

  1. No resolutions for me either. I am way too much like Calvin!


    Posted by Elyse | January 2, 2013, 10:05 am
  2. I think of it the same way. If you want to change something. change it immediately.
    I started my resolution in October: floss more. So far I’m not doing too good. *head hangs down in shame*


    Posted by MissFourEyes | January 2, 2013, 11:12 am
  3. See Blog Posting…I’m quite happy with the daily Me ~ except I would like to resolve to be taller – but that just seems like an uphill battle on short legs.


    Posted by Rutabaga the Mercenary Researcher | January 2, 2013, 12:08 pm
  4. Hahaha, fucking buttpuffers.


    Posted by Bill McMorrow | January 2, 2013, 12:10 pm
  5. I think my resolution to become a cyborg is very useful towards my personal development. ;)


    Posted by goldfish | January 2, 2013, 1:40 pm
  6. No resolutions. I’m not going to new years day bowl parties and “indulging” in water and celery. NFW!


    Posted by 1jaded1 | January 2, 2013, 2:12 pm
  7. I like your outlook, twindaddy. I don’t make specific resolutions, but I do a little reflecting, like – I want to eat healthier (as I am *still* eating leftover mashed potatoes and pork & sauerkraut at this very minute), read more books, clean the house. I’ll get it in gear one day, and just do it.


    Posted by Maddie Cochere | January 2, 2013, 2:20 pm
  8. Buttpuffers? Hmmm…


    Posted by sha'tashari | January 2, 2013, 2:54 pm
  9. There are a whole bunch of C&H comics on drinking that are absolutely hilarious. You should check them out if you haven’t already. Great post!


    Posted by djmatticus | January 2, 2013, 6:32 pm
  10. I know, there is one in every crowd. Maybe next year I’ll live life on the edge. ;-)


    Posted by 1jaded1 | January 2, 2013, 9:07 pm
  11. Hahahaha! Please don’t hold back how you really feel about resolutions…I’m laughing out loud at your bold truth. You should be a motivational speaker or my personal trainer…seriously.


    Posted by Life With The Top Down | January 3, 2013, 6:51 am


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