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Parenting Fail

I’ve used this here space to address parenting fails many times before, but never my own.  *gasp*  Twindaddy, you have failed as a parent?  Well, not entirely, but nobody’s perfect.

Wrote a blog ’bout it, like da here, here goes!

During my morning commute this morning – is that too redundant?  I can never tell – I was messing with Baby B because, hey, he was dumb enough to sit in the front seat next to me.  And if I keep doing it maybe they’ll stop fighting over who gets to sit in the front seat.  Anyhow, I was randomly pinching his leg and slapping him upside the head – I see you staring accusingly at me through this blog.  They were love taps, dammit.  Love taps I say! – and then yelling “No touchy!”

Silly?  Absolutely.  Fun?  You bet your ass it was.

Eventually, he started whining – through his contagious laughter – “You’re touching me!” and other inane things I don’t remember.

I countered with my rendition of Charlie Brown’s teacher.  “Wa wa wa waaaa wa wa.”

He then cleverly (term used loosely) retorted, “Duh duh duh dah duh.”  He truly gets his wit honestly.  From his mother.  Poor child.

“Do you even know what that’s from?” I inquired.

“No.”

And there it was.  My failure in all its blasphemous glory.  My children didn’t know who Charlie Brown’s teacher was.  It hit me in the gut like Buster Douglas.  I felt the burn of this failure deep within my core.  How could I have two 13-year old boys who have no idea who Charlie Brown is?  Shame coursed through my veins.  My head hung low, but not too low, I was still driving after all.  I vowed right then and there to right this heinous wrong.

I, undaunted by my failure and unwilling to show any weakness in front of my children, continued my banter with him.  “You uncultured swine!”

He was unfazed by my very uncomplimentary insult.  “Whatever that means…”

“Google it.”

“I don’t want to.”

I loathe willful ignorance.  “Well, you’ll be writing a report on it tonight then,” I told him.

“But, but…”

Another “love tap” ended our repartee.

There will be no report, but there will be homework.  We will be searching for Charlie Brown videos on YouTube tonight so I can culture these ignorant children.

Charlie is rolling his eyes at me. I’m sorry, Charlie. I won’t fail you again.

That at least gives me a nice segue into YouTube Tuesday tomorrow.  So there’s that.

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Discussion

56 thoughts on “Parenting Fail

  1. You need to show them the one where Charlie Brown goes after all those who wronged him with a chainsaw – Peanuts Chainsaw Massacre. Wait, that one only exists in my head.

    Like

    Posted by aliceatwonderland | January 7, 2013, 11:46 am
  2. Ha – We’ve been watching Charlie Brown since my kid was a wee tot…we watched Charlie Brown Xmas about 500 times during his 3-4 years….

    Like

    Posted by Rutabaga the Mercenary Researcher | January 7, 2013, 11:52 am
  3. I’ve never noticed before how Charlie Brown’s eyes resemble commas. And if you go on to tell me what part of his body resembles an asterisk, I’m leaving.

    Like

    Posted by rossmurray1 | January 7, 2013, 3:18 pm
  4. Yeah, me and the twins went to dinner. Many laughs were had. Then we came home and watched Charlie Brown videos on YouTube.

    Like

    Posted by twindaddy | January 7, 2013, 7:29 pm
  5. When I had to explain things from the 80′s to people I worked with that were in their teens, I felt old. 30 is not old. What is this generation coming to!?

    Like

    Posted by Not Quite Alice | January 7, 2013, 8:12 pm
  6. Not a fail at all, because now you get to introduce them to good old Chuck!

    Like

    Posted by El Guapo | January 7, 2013, 9:12 pm
  7. Hah! Great post all the way around. All of the adults talked like that in Charlie Brown. When I was young my sister and I used to mock our babysitters when they would tell us to do something we didn’t want to do (hmmm…all I heard was wawawawawawaaaa). Our parents played angry but they thought it was hilarious as long as we didn’t try it on them. One of the top 5 comics…C&H is #1 though.

    Like

    Posted by 1jaded1 | January 7, 2013, 9:18 pm
  8. I am almost speechless. Almost.

    Like

    Posted by GingerSnaap | January 12, 2013, 4:42 pm

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Pingback: YouTube Tuesday: You’re hopeless, Charlie Brown. | Stuph Blog - January 8, 2013

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