I’ve used this here space to address parenting fails many times before, but never my own. *gasp* Twindaddy, you have failed as a parent? Well, not entirely, but nobody’s perfect.
During my morning commute this morning – is that too redundant? I can never tell – I was messing with Baby B because, hey, he was dumb enough to sit in the front seat next to me. And if I keep doing it maybe they’ll stop fighting over who gets to sit in the front seat. Anyhow, I was randomly pinching his leg and slapping him upside the head – I see you staring accusingly at me through this blog. They were love taps, dammit. Love taps I say! – and then yelling “No touchy!”
Silly? Absolutely. Fun? You bet your ass it was.
Eventually, he started whining – through his contagious laughter – “You’re touching me!” and other inane things I don’t remember.
I countered with my rendition of Charlie Brown’s teacher. “Wa wa wa waaaa wa wa.”
He then cleverly (term used loosely) retorted, “Duh duh duh dah duh.” He truly gets his wit honestly. From his mother. Poor child.
“Do you even know what that’s from?” I inquired.
And there it was. My failure in all its blasphemous glory. My children didn’t know who Charlie Brown’s teacher was. It hit me in the gut like Buster Douglas. I felt the burn of this failure deep within my core. How could I have two 13-year old boys who have no idea who Charlie Brown is? Shame coursed through my veins. My head hung low, but not too low, I was still driving after all. I vowed right then and there to right this heinous wrong.
I, undaunted by my failure and unwilling to show any weakness in front of my children, continued my banter with him. “You uncultured swine!”
He was unfazed by my very uncomplimentary insult. “Whatever that means…”
“I don’t want to.”
I loathe willful ignorance. “Well, you’ll be writing a report on it tonight then,” I told him.
Another “love tap” ended our repartee.
There will be no report, but there will be homework. We will be searching for Charlie Brown videos on YouTube tonight so I can culture these ignorant children.
That at least gives me a nice segue into YouTube Tuesday tomorrow. So there’s that.