Okay, I’m done with the unfunny today. We’ve had a romantic post. Awww. We’ve had a serious post. Cut it out, Daily Post! Now it’s time for some good ol’ ranting and bitching. And maybe a dash of humor. I hope.
Baby C is a funny, yet sometimes weird little creature. Much like his maternal grandfather, he loves to have the television on. He doesn’t necessarily watch it, but he enjoys the background noise I guess.
So when I came home from work one day last week, the television was tuned to the Cartoon Network. And SpongeBob SquarePants was on. What a horrible show that is.
In addition to being severely unfunny, it’s idiotic and nonsensical, too. For instance, he lives in a pineapple under the sea, right? Under the sea! So how on earth do things catch on fire when they’re saturated with water, which, last I checked, is decidedly inflammable.
So the particular episode that was on that day had Plankton in love with some sort of computer. Or maybe the computer was in love with him. I really wasn’t paying that close attention. The important thing here is that Plankton broke this computer’s heart.
Now I know what you’re thinking, “But Twindaddy, computer’s don’t have hearts!” Tis true, but this particular computer was an artificial intelligence, so I guess it had a virtual heart. Or something. It’s beside the point anyway. The point is, the computer started crying. Literally. Not only was this pansy-ass computer wailing like a bitch, but tears were actually flying out of the eyes of this machine. Eyes which were displayed on a CRT monitor screen.
There are a multitude of problems with this. First, CRT monitors are incapable of producing tears. But Twindaddy, it’s just an animated show!! Lighten up! You’re right. Let’s move on.
Next on the problem list is that they’re still under water. If you cry underwater you’re not going to see the actual tears because they’ll immediately blend into the water upon being shed. Imagine, if you will, water coming out of a hose. You see the water, right? Of course you do. You’re not blind. But now imagine that the hose is under water. Do you see water coming out of the hose now? What? You don’t? How peculiar. Wait, no it isn’t. You don’t see it because it’s water going into water. Duh.
But Twindaddy, they have to show the tears to help accentuate the fact that he’s crying. And it’s just a friggin’ show! Okay, fine. BUT, the tears which the ginormous CRT head cried soaked the computer/torso below it and shorted it out. Then it started smoking, and I’m not referring to a cigarette. This is idiotic for two reasons. One, the computer is already under the sea, and therefore, already soaked with water. How did the tears short out this inane piece of electronics and not the sea water? The second? Well, do you ever short out when you cry? Obviously if you’re crying your body produced the tears. You’re body doesn’t make anything that is harmful to itself. Except for methane. You shouldn’t inhale methane, but if you can have your sniffer right next to your ass when you fart you’ve got more problems than methane inhalation to worry about.
To sum this all perfectly up, this show is stupid and nonsensical beyond reason. As such, I should never be subjected to this absurdity, willingly or no. I find it unfathomable that anyone even likes this show. What a horrible, horrible program.
Do you like this horrid show, dear reader? If so, why? And shame on you.