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Dear Significant Other of my PLATONIC Friend who Happens to be the Opposite Gender that I am:

Dear Significant Other of my PLATONIC Friend who Happens to be the Opposite Gender that I am:

NOTE:  I’ve seen a number of good platonic friendships end, including a recent one of my own.  I don’t get the jealousy and mistrust that seems to be going on these days.

(Whew that was a long salutation).

Sorry for the momentary digression.  First, and most importantly I am NOT after your SO.  We are platonic, not romantic so there is a line in the sand, K?  Your SO chose YOU to share lives with, not me.  Maybe it was your tight tush or your electric personality or all of the above.  You have that special something in your beholder’s eye.  Get over that insecurity.

This second one applies to the marrieds only.  This world is not set up into Camp Single and Camp Married….Just because I am single and your SO is married to you doesn’t mean we can’t interact within the bonds of friendship.  Your SO committed vows in front of everyone.  I have morals and playing grabass with someone who is married is a violation.

Thirdly, maybe your SO and I work together and I have to spend 10 hours a day together with your SO. That is called a PROFESSIONAL relationship.  Come sit with us and witness the magic your SO does to earn that paycheck to provide for you, NOT me.  TV lies, not every working relationship turns into a fuckfest.

Fourthly,  (I didn’t realize I could count that high)…Going through your SO phones or having your creepy friends follow SO around town is not going to improve things.  It is sneaky and creepy.  I say that from first hand experience.  My ex SO did that to me.  It erodes trust.  And let me ask you how would you feel if that happened to you?  If you think something is going on, ask!!!  If you don’t trust the answers there is something deeper going on.

Fifthly, I’ve reached the end of my digits and my patience.  Your SO and I may share a number of things in common.  Sports, fashion, movies, work, hobbies.  We may also share addiction, depression or something just as dark and talking about it is called support, not come fuck me now.  What we do not share is the desire to fall in love with one another. That is to be enjoyed by you. The recap is that I am not after your SO.   Period. The End.


The PLATONIC friend of your SO who is the opposite gender of me.

I’ve shared my thoughts, what are yours?  Thanks!


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About 1jaded1

Jaded in Detroit


19 thoughts on “Dear Significant Other of my PLATONIC Friend who Happens to be the Opposite Gender that I am:

  1. I have this same issue – glad to hear I’m not the only one that doesn’t understand why two people of the opposite genders cannot be friends…


    Posted by Rutabaga the Mercenary Researcher | February 18, 2013, 11:25 am
  2. My heart goes out to you, my FRIEND….
    Seriously though, hang in there. You’re one of my favorites and I hate to see you so frustrated.

    Liked by 1 person

    Posted by The Hook | February 18, 2013, 2:45 pm
    • Thank you, my friend. I really never gave it a second thought. I maintain friendships with both genders. I did when I was with my ex as did he. I didn’t have a problem about it. He started getting creepy but I kept my friendships.

      Then a couple of people from my childhood circle stopped being friends after 35 years. After that, someone on my floor was explaining herself bc she was working on a project and you could tell it was getting heated. #3 sums that one up.

      Finally, it happened to me. The friendship was recent but I exposed a lot in a very short time. I felt violated bc like TD I have thick walls of protection and I let them down. I bought extra glue and tape this time. ;-) . This letter was written a month ago.

      Thank YOU for your support.


      Posted by 1jaded1 | February 19, 2013, 1:16 am
  3. Hopefully your friend realizes the SO is an idiot before there’s a problem.


    Posted by El Guapo | February 18, 2013, 3:46 pm
  4. SO good!


    Posted by denmother | February 18, 2013, 5:08 pm
  5. Hmm, while you have a valid point, my experience is that the so called ‘friend’ DID want more than a platonic relationship and went for it. I won’t apologize for having my guard up when it comes to this kind of relationship where my SO is concerned. There are two sides to this topic, and I can tell you outright that I have very little comfort with my SO getting friendly with other females on anything more than a ‘how ya doing’ level. I see it a lot- the flirting, emotional connections, way waaay too many lunches out, happy hour, texts beyond work related things, emails of the same, between co-workers, etc. and not all people are going to be okay with that. I for one, am not okay with that. If it is my SO and nothing is going on with the friend, then the phone messages wouldn’t have to be hidden in the first place.

    At the end of the day, the spouses/ SO have to work out what is comfortable for them and their relationship and not what is good for the ‘friend’.
    You are exactly right right when you say that there is something deeper going on, and your friend may not be telling YOU the whole story. I can assure you that there was a time when my SO painted a very different picture of me than what was actually true just so he could have his ‘platonic’ relationship and have someone to feel sorry for him of the opposite sex. We never really know the whole story is what I guess I am trying to say…

    With all that rambling of mine being said, yes, he has female friends and I have male friends, but we try to honor each others’ comfort levels and boundaries. This, of course, is just my perspective and what works for us now.


    Posted by GingerSnaap | February 19, 2013, 8:10 am
    • Thank you for the comment. I get that people have ulterior motives and it sucks that happened to you. I also get that there are 2 sides to every story. I was speaking from my personal experience. I am not out to steal anyone.

      When I worked at a previous job, my only other coworker was male. We would lunch together quite often. We would share things on a personal level and never crossed a line. More than once, creepy ex’s friends would POP in to a place where we were and say “ill report that you were behaving yourself”. Wtf. Thanks for the trust and now I trust you less.

      This last intance was weird. I dropped walls in search of support, not a f*ck buddy. This letter was my release and walls are back up.
      Thanks again for the comment.


      Posted by 1jaded1 | February 20, 2013, 3:19 am
  6. I have a lot of dude friends. My girlfriends are mostly scattered around the country, but my dude friends are local. Their wives/girlfriends aren’t all my biggest fan, though some enjoy my company as I do theirs. My boyfriend, on the other hand, prefers the company of my male friends than the company of my female friends, though he doesn’t feel the need to constantly monitor our friendship (ie: I not stopped from enjoying nights out with my guy friends.)


    Posted by Quirky Chrissy | February 19, 2013, 12:44 pm
  7. Some of my best friends are men – although they’re gay, so perhaps not in the same category!!


    Posted by faithhopechocolate | February 21, 2013, 3:06 pm

We don't tolerate scum.

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