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The Boy Who Would Be Vader…

[Editor's Note:  Today, we have another heavy hitter guest posting stuph™ here.  Straight outta Dublin (that's in Ireland for you geographically challenged Americans), I present to you Rohan!  No, he's a person, not a country from Middle Earth.  Good gawd, people.

Rohan is a multitalented person.  He is a professional a musician, songwriter, author, professional sound engineer and music producer.  And as hobbies he's into blogging and photography.  Whew!  He sounds like a busy guy and I honestly don't know how he found time to write this post for me.

As always, maphia™, I request that you visit our visitor's blog and click on the almighty follow button.  It's the least you could do in return for this humorous and amazing story that Rohan has shared with us here.]

As a child, like all children, I went through phases of obsessing over what I’d like to be when I grow up (still waiting for that to happen by the way). Between the ages of seven and nine was the period when I had the highest number of career changes. I read around 30 Goosebumps books and even subscribed to the official magazine. Thus I decided to become a horror writer like R.L. Stine and spend my days weaving spooky stories in a big log cabin on a lake in the woods, I even wrote a short story called The Dull back then (I still have a copy!).

They were mah fravrit berks

They were mah fravrit berks

At the age of 8 I became obsessed with The Beatles. I listened to their entire singles and b-sides collection every day for around 5 months (I was home schooled at this point). I didn’t want to play music, no I wanted to be John Lennon and Ringo combined. I grew my hair and pestered my parents for a pair of rose tinted, round shades.

Imagine all the people, looking at me weird.

Imagine all the people, looking at me weird.

Then I wanted to be an investigative journalist, I have no idea where I got that notion, but it didn’t last long. I wanted to be a dare devil, I dubbed myself “Risk-Taker Rohan” (cringe) and spent countless nights lying awake envisioning my death defying feats. Of course I later found out I have a fear of heights, spiders, clowns, most people and just about anything dangerous. And so Risk-Taker Rohan never quite took off.

Finally I settled on becoming an actor. That was the career for me, and so I convinced my folks to sign me up for actors equity and any other casting directories I could get into. Of course the months passed and I was no doubt onto something else; pro video gamer, Kung Fu master or super soldier, my dreams to be the next Laurence Olivier, swept away by yet another “this time for sure” career choice.

Like the sun, staring at Larry can have serious, long terms effects. You won't go blind but you may begin to question your sexuality.

Like the sun, staring at Larry can have serious, long terms effects. You won’t go blind but you may begin to question your sexuality.

But then one day we got the call. I was in my room playing around with Lego (I’m an architect now) when my mother burst into the room.

“You’ve been asked to audition for the lead role in the new Star Wars movie!”

My face as I realized I was destined to be the next world famous child actor.

My face as I realized I was destined to be the next world famous child actor.

And without blinking an eye I was, once again, an actor. My half build Lego masterpiece would forever remain unfinished. The days leading up to the audition passed slowly, with many a sleepless night. I remember visiting my friend a few days before the big one. I can still recall the jealousy in his eyes, and the arrogance in mine. And I’ll never forget what my friend’s ignorant mother said to me as I left with my mum.

“Maybe you’ll get to kiss Princess Leia!”

MWAH!

MWAH!

Of course this made absolutely no sense. I’m no Star Wars scholar but I know that Leia is Darth Vader’s daughter, and that I would be playing the role of a young Anakin Skywalker. How on Earth I would be kissing my own unborn child was a mystery to me, let alone the fact that Hollywood wasn’t about to allow a steamy make out session between Carrie Fisher and a 10 year old kid (so explain that Mrs. O’Connor!). Still, it didn’t stop me from fantasizing. All I thought about for the next couple of days was getting to kiss some silver screen starlet. I can’t tell you how many times I ran that imaginary kissing scene over in my mind during the lead up to the audition. Yes I was an early bloomer where affairs of the heart were concerned, however I really should have been more focused on the whole acting part.

Me (not really)

Me (not really)

Finally the big day came. I sat in a waiting room filled with my rivals and their parents. I started to think about just how many kids must be going for this role. They must have held auditions in every English Speaking country in the world if they had bothered to hold auditions in Dublin, Ireland. But then again Ireland has a proud history of actors and thespians so if one were to scour the globe for the perfect Anakin Skywalker it seems reasonable to stop by the Emerald Isle just in case he’s hiding here.

After an excruciating wait that felt like hours, though it couldn’t have been more than fifteen minutes, my name was called and I was whisked into the auditioning room. I entered alone, leaving my parents in the waiting room, and was greeted by three well dressed and very important looking adults holding clipboards and pens. This was serious stuff! There were two men and a lady, the men remained silent, scrutinizing my every phrase and movement, the woman asked the questions.

“Hi, what’s your name?” asked the young lady.

“I’m Rohan.” I smiled.

She handed me a piece of paper with a couple of lines written on it. I can’t remember the exact words but they were something to the effect of,

“Wait, please, don’t go!” I said as theatrically as I could.

“That’s great, now try it in an American accent.”

No problem, I often played around with my voice doing various accents and impersonations.

“Wait, please, don’t go!” I said sounding like a 9 year old Bill from Bill and Ted.

“Perfect, now try the line with more anger.”

I obliged as best I could.

“And now with more sadness.”

I repeated the line with a deliberate quiver in my voice. All the while the two expressionless men jotted down notes feverishly, the only sound from them being the scratching of blue biro on paper.

“Thank you Rohan, you did very well,” the lady beamed “We’ll let you know if you get the part.”

I bowed slightly, thanked them and left the room. What a rush, I felt like a real pro, and of course I knew I had it sown up. From that day my head was filled with travel plans, kissing actresses and what I’d spend all the money on. I woke up every day hoping for the inevitable phone call that would simply serve to confirm what I already knew, that it was I, Rohan Healy, that would be putting the star in the next Star Wars film.

If you look closely you'll see that I'm nowhere on that poster.

If you look closely you’ll see that I’m nowhere on that poster.

The days turned to weeks, and the weeks turned to months. I eventually began to come to terms with the fact that it was not meant to be, being a kid though I wasn’t too bothered, I was onto the next thing. I didn’t give up on the acting though, when my family moved to Australia the next year I attended a number of reputable drama schools and appeared in a couple of plays. My dream was to be the next James Bond (way too many hours spent playing Goldeneye on the N64). When I was 16 I quit drama to play music full time but I haven’t forgotten about my acting, it’s still there for the day that another audition comes along and I once again get lost in the allure of playing tonsil hockey with Emma Watson.

It’s not so crazy a dream, to act again, after all this year I wrote my first Science Fiction/Horror novel. My little 8 year old self would be so proud, there’s a log cabin on a lake somewhere out there with my name on it!

If you look closely you can see my name on it.

If you look closely you can see my name on it.

I later found out that my parents were praying I didn’t get the part of young Anakin. They supported me and my dreams to the hilt, but knowing what so often becomes of child actors, and the whirlwind of Hollywood, my folks were silently glad that were able to enjoy a quiet and modest life. Missing out on being in Star Wars doesn’t bother me one bit, not at all, in fact I never even mention it or think about it, EVER. Also I just thought I should point out that Jake Lloyd, who did get the part, has been in one film since Episode I, a movie about speed boat racing made in 2005. That’s right, the pod racer scene has landed him one part, as a boat racer. That makes me smile.

These grapes are sour

These grapes are sour

Yep I’m glad I didn’t get the part, of course it’s not a matter of sour grapes, or being bitter or anything, I just like the fact that the highlight of my career is not a conversation with Jar Jar Binks.

The end.

(*sniff* Please can I go back in time and get the part!! I’ll do anything you want!!)

Rohan Healy is the author of “Greeks to Geeks: Practical Stoicism in the 21st Century” and “The 7 Things That Made Me Genuinely & Irreversibly Happy: And How They Can Do The Same For You”

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About Rohan 7 Things

I'm Rohan, songwriter, musician, author, professional sound engineer, music producer and blogger.

Discussion

37 thoughts on “The Boy Who Would Be Vader…

  1. Reblogged this on rohan7things and commented:

    Check out my guest post over at the awesome Stuphblog! I recount my experience auditioning for the lead role in Star Wars Episode 1!

    Rohan.

    Like this

    Posted by Rohan 7 Things | March 20, 2013, 4:50 am
  2. Wow! Is this for real? That’s so exciting. From what I know of you I’m really sure you can do anything you set your mind to. You know once you’re famous we’ll claim you as Australian. You will be “our Rohan”, we’re good at claiming people like that.

    Like this

    Posted by stephrogers | March 20, 2013, 5:54 am
  3. You have brilliant parents…letting you explore your imagination and supporting your ideas. Kudos to them for that Rohan. Hey, aren’t they making a new Star Wars movie?…..just saying.

    Like this

    Posted by Life With The Top Down | March 20, 2013, 6:40 am
  4. Great post Rohan! :)

    Like this

    Posted by Katie | March 20, 2013, 6:45 am
  5. Not gonna lie, I’m slightly jealous…and disappointed. Jealous because you got the audition. Disappointed because damn near anybody could’ve done a better job than Jake Lloyd did. There’s a reason he was only ever in one other movie.

    Like this

    Posted by twindaddy | March 20, 2013, 6:59 am
    • Feeling better every minute, keep those comments coming lol ;) Kid actors have always been awkward and cheesy for the most part, with the rare exception (I thought Hit Girl was awesome in Kick Ass for example).

      Alas we shall never know who would have made the better Anakin, but at least this way I get to assume I would have won an Oscar had I gotten the part!

      Rohan.

      Like this

      Posted by Rohan 7 Things | March 20, 2013, 7:10 am
  6. LOL! You’re definitely a comical genius, you insanely talented Irish-Aussie! You’d probably make one hell of an actor, but I think you life’s waay more interesting than the likes of young Hollywood! And those sour grapes, no worries, that’s an untapped wine tasting market waiting to happen. Hmmm, I smell a new passion brewing that you can also play tonsil hockey with. :D

    Like this

    Posted by Brendaline | March 20, 2013, 7:02 am
    • Thanks Brendaline :) Haha, glad to hear my sour grapes can be put to good use yet! Though I think I’d need a longer career in acting before I take to the wine too hard, I’m just not jaded enough yet lol :)

      All the best!

      Rohan.

      Like this

      Posted by Rohan 7 Things | March 20, 2013, 7:30 am
      • LOL!! Oh yeah, definitely stay away from those hard and crazy drinks mister!! I know you’re not quite that jaded actor, (whew) lol! :P

        If or when you do get to France, please do save a bottle of their famous table red wine for me; at least as a sweet reminder of how sour things can become sweet again! That, and as interesting table centerpiece! :)

        Your nine year old self would be so proud of you!! I think it’s wonderful to acheive that childhood dream; and so amazing that you are writing, creating and inspiring the inner child in all of us!

        I’ll drink to that, lol. Just teasing (it’s water). LOL!!

        Like this

        Posted by Brendaline | April 2, 2013, 6:33 am
  7. I didn’t think Jake Lloyd was THAT bad. I mostly blame the way the part was written. But I’m sure you would have been much better. Heck, if you had gotten the part, maybe we would have liked Jar Jar.

    Like this

    Posted by The Cutter | March 20, 2013, 7:04 am
  8. By the way I just wanted to say a big thanks to Twindaddy for having me here on Stuphblog today! It’s a real pleasure and privilege :)

    Rohan.

    Like this

    Posted by Rohan 7 Things | March 20, 2013, 7:31 am
  9. Another great guest blogger!
    Now I can say to all my Star Wars fan friends that I’m best friends (play along) with the guy who nicely gave up his spot as Anakin to Jake Lloyd.
    Nice post Rohan.

    Like this

    Posted by Doggy's Style | March 20, 2013, 9:09 am
  10. That is so awesome! Even if you didn’t get the part, the fact that you auditioned is still cool. And I think it’s great your parents were (and are) very supportive of all your dreams. :) Great post, as usual Rohan!

    Like this

    Posted by MissTiffany | March 20, 2013, 11:11 am
  11. Ha! I’m glad that Jake Lloyd only got one other movie. You would’ve made one hell of a movie star! And I’m telling everyone that I know the guy who almost played Anakin Skywalker :D

    Like this

    Posted by MissFourEyes | March 20, 2013, 11:15 am
  12. I think not having a conversation with jar jar binks is definitely something worth celebrating! That’s a better accomplishment than anything I’ve managed in my career.

    Like this

    Posted by djmatticus | March 20, 2013, 2:38 pm
  13. You would have rocked that role, Rohan!

    Like this

    Posted by The Hook | March 20, 2013, 3:46 pm
  14. This story is amazing. Your parents were so cool to encourage you to pursue anything like this, at all.

    Like this

    Posted by calahan | March 20, 2013, 5:27 pm
  15. Hi Rohan, great post really enjoyed it, nice to find out more about you. Please don’t be upset, but I live in a log cabin but its not by a lake. So not too much to be envious about lol.

    Like this

    Posted by Athena Brady | March 20, 2013, 8:21 pm
  16. Wow, that is really quite fascinating. I have a vague desire to ask for your autograph now. You just get cooler by the minute. :)

    Like this

    Posted by Jennifer Flint ~ The Aura Reader | March 20, 2013, 11:45 pm
  17. I loved your story! Thanks for sharing:)

    Like this

    Posted by Lavinia | March 21, 2013, 4:37 am

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