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Weekly Challenge

Need More Road

I’m going to attempt the Weekly Writing Challenge again.  We’ll see how it goes.  This week’s challenge is to snap a picture of something that’s iconic to you, and then write about it.  No problem, right?

So here is my picture…

Tim's Family Reunion Pics 07 (14)

But, Twindaddy!  That’s a freakin’ road sign!  What an astute observation you’ve just made, dearest reader.  It is indeed a road sign.  Good job.

But Twindaddy!  How is a road sign iconic to you? I’m glad you asked, dearest reader.  It’s iconic because it’s effin’ hilarious.  Needmore Rd.  How can you not laugh at that name?  I mean, think about it.  It’s like they ran out of black top while paving this road and decided to call it Needmore Rd as a joke.  And then the name stuck.  I would love to have a house on this road just so I could laugh at the reaction I got from people every time I gave someone my address.  We’ll get to the reason behind the name in a bit, though.

The Needmore Rd sign is also iconic because it’s a sign I pass by often.  See, for those of you who don’t know, I live in Cincinnati (FYI – you’re now in the know…you’re welcome).  Almost all of my extended family lives in Michigan.  Mostly in the ‘burbs of the Motor City, but there’s also some in other areas of the state.  Needmore Rd is located in northern Dayton right off of I-75, so we pass it going to and fro during every trip.  And every trip when we pass that road we laugh hysterically at it’s ridiculous name.

I’m not, however, here merely to laugh at this hilarious road name.  I’m here to tell you its story.  The story of how Needmore Rd came to be thusly named.  It’s a compelling tale full of ambiguity and untruths, because I could find no reference material online.  So I’m depending on my insufficient memory and quixotic imagination for, well, all the fictitious details.

Needmore Rd is a four-lane highway that runs east to west between Brandt Pike and Shoup Mill Rd in Dayton, OH.  The most notable thing about this road is that it intersects with Interstate 75.  Needmore Rd is littered with multiple subdivisions, a Kroger, and many fine dining establishments such as McDonald’s and Subway.  My definition of fine dining is obviously subjective.  There are also a couple of self-storage places and some other inconsequential businesses.  Well, inconsequential to me, anyhow.

See, Needmore Rd wasn’t always the paragon of suburban bliss that it currently is. It used to be a simple two-lane highway which dissected beautiful farmland.  Sure, there were a few houses and even a couple of restaurants by the interstate exits, but nothing spectacular.  It also wasn’t always named thusly.  Since there was a time when two lanes were enough to handle the faint amount of commuters upon it, its name was Enough Rd.  Absurd?  Yes.  Practical?  Indeed.

Things eventually changed when an unwelcome new business came to town.  The locals didn’t realize how unwelcome this new business was until it was too late.  Everyone near and far flocked to this new business to consume its goods.

Tim Hortons Coffee & Bake Shop

Go back to Canada! (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The offending business?  Canada‘s answer to Starbucks,  Tim Horton’s.  The people came in droves.  They came from all over.  They came for the timbits.  They came for the coffee.  They came because everyone else was doing it.   Hipsters had invaded this precious farmland and began to transform it into the suburban outback it is today.

The poor two-lane road couldn’t handle the copious amount of traffic that now flowed (or attempted to) through it.  Traffic was a nightmare.  The locals were unhappy.  It took them hours to get home while traversing the throngs of motorists crowding the packed streets waiting for a taste of Canada.

The irony was almost tangible.  Enough Rd was no longer enough road.  Traffic was often backed up onto the north and a south bound lanes of I-75 at all waking hours.  The local residents were livid.  They were tired of fighting to leave or return to their homes.  It was like Black Friday every day.

Public pressure began to mount on the city.  The locals used their free time to protest.  They marched.  The held signs.  They spit tobacco juice everywhere.  Scuffles broke out between the hipsters and the locals, who were mostly farmers.  There were riots in the Tim Horton’s parking lot.

Things would get worse before they got better.  Seeing the success of Tim Horton’s, other business started moving in.  Waffle House, Hardee’s, Long John Silver’s.  The more businesses that came, the more people protested.  Their rallying cry became, “Need more road!”  They chanted it from dawn to dusk.

Things then turned extremely ugly.  Somehow, the locals were able to get one of their own on the inside of Tim Horton’s.    The infiltrator, without anyone working there noticing, was somehow able to swap pots of tobacco juice for pots of coffee.  Many hipsters became ill and were hospitalized.  The culprit and his or her conspirators were never found.

Finally, after the great Tobacco Juice Incident, the city reluctantly took action.  Construction began almost immediately to expand Enough Rd to a four-lane highway.  The city also decided to take a shot at the locals by renaming the road Needmore Rd, poking fun at their rallying cry.  The “insult” didn’t have its desired effect, though.  The locals embraced the name.  They loved it.

After a year of construction, Needmore Rd was finally a four-lane highway.  Traffic problems were still there, but light years better than they had been before.  The hipsters and locals were both finally content.  The locals could get in and out of their homes without much incident and the hipsters didn’t have to worry about being scorned or having tobacco juice in their cups instead of coffee.

So there you have it, folks.  That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.  And yes, we really do laugh at that road every time we drive by it.  And no, it never gets old.

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41 thoughts on “Need More Road

  1. Funny and I am also from around that area. Middletown, Ohio. Passed by the sign tons of times. So, I really enjoyed your post!


    Posted by Christina | April 3, 2013, 11:57 am
  2. Awesome, we both did Dayton :) Thanks for the pingback! I still laugh every time I see that sign too, & I love your story, ha!


    Posted by Deneé J. | April 3, 2013, 12:13 pm
  3. Lol. Nicely done. You made me a little homesick. ;)


    Posted by goldfish | April 3, 2013, 12:20 pm
  4. This is a great post TD! So funny.. I would laugh at that road sign every time I saw it too! Great story!! XO


    Posted by jenlefeverwood | April 3, 2013, 12:21 pm
  5. It’s hilarious. I’d laugh every time I went by too.


    Posted by Elyse | April 3, 2013, 1:12 pm
  6. Haha, what a story! I love road signs. My favorite are the ones with dirty connotations :D


    Posted by MissFourEyes | April 3, 2013, 1:32 pm
  7. We Canadians do love our Timmies!! :)


    Posted by Polysyllabic Profundities | April 3, 2013, 2:39 pm
  8. Ha ha ha. Wait… what?!


    Posted by stephrogers | April 3, 2013, 3:52 pm
  9. Loved the taste of Canada! *Cheers, as I sip my timmies*


    Posted by Lady Lovely | April 3, 2013, 4:34 pm
  10. Precisely.


    Posted by twindaddy | April 3, 2013, 6:48 pm
  11. You went with Needmore and not Stop 8 Road just a half mile down the highway?

    Nevertheless, this was hilarious, and we’ve been saying that stuff here in Sayton for years.


    Posted by Edward Hotspur | April 3, 2013, 7:14 pm
  12. Don’t forget Neva Drive.


    Posted by Revis Edgewater | April 3, 2013, 8:49 pm

We don't tolerate scum.

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