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Blunt Life Coach

Blunt Life Coach™: 5/28/2013

Blunt Life Coach

Its me, bitches!

Greetings.  Twindaddy’s introductions annoy me, so I figured I’d take over our body before he started the post so I don’t have to sit through any of his sappy shit.  I’m tired of him getting in touch with his feminine side.  It’s unbecoming.

It’s time for me, in the way that only I can, answer your lowly questions, as I possess the intelligence you all do not.  Hopefully, they are not a bunch of stupid questions.  Again.

Name: Revis Edgewater
Question: Hey BLC,

Get your lazy ass up and get to work.

Hey!  Fuck you, asshole!

fuck you stormtrooper

Name: daniheart21
Question: Twindaddy, do you think the United States is headed for a civil
uprising?

Dani, first of all I’d like to thank you for not asking some idiotic question.  It would be great if more people submitted questions with substance to them.

To address your question, it appears that the US may have some sort of civil conflict soon.  Both sides, the left and the right, keep digging in and getting more extreme. Neither side is willing to compromise and is more interested in pandering to the public than doing what’s right for the country.  As a people, US citizens are becoming more divided by the day.  Sadly, we all saw how that worked out in our galaxy…hopefully you guys can avoid some dictator taking over and ruining what was once a great nation.

Oh, and Hillary Clinton appears to be your version of Jar Jar Binks.  I’d get rid of her if at all possible.

PS.  Twindaddy does not answer these questions!!!

Name: stephrogers
Question: What is with my Asian Pop obsession, will I ever get my life back?

Steph, if you have an Asian Pop obsession, you had no life to begin with.  Everything about Asian Pop is horrible from the clothes, to the hairstyles, to the music itself.  It’s all atrocious.

Blunt Life Coach™ prescribes a heavy dose of Avenged Sevenfold to cure your case of I’m-obsessed-with-shitty-music.  Have a listen.

Name: Spambot
Question: I like the valuable info you provide in your articles. I’ll bookmark
your blog and check again here frequently. I’m quite sure I’ll learn lots of
new stuff right here! Best of luck for the next! 

Oh?  You like the valuable info I provide?  Here’s some more…GET BENT, ASSHOLE! I hate spambots.

fuck you stormtrooper1

Name: jack joseph’s mom
Question: Tell me how to move on from the jerk that hasn’t been there for me
during my loss. And how to deal with the people who don’t understand with what I am feeling.

Jack’s Mom, you have the right idea.   You do need to move on from this douchetrap.  My recommendations are as follows:  think about all the ways you’ve been wronged by this jerk.  That will keep you sufficiently mad at the jerk.  You’ll need the anger as fuel to accomplish your mission.  Secondly, avoid all contact with this jerk.  Don’t talk to, IM, or even think about this person.  Delete or remove all pictures you may have of this person.  Remove all evidence that this person was ever a part of your life.  And for those moments when you can’t stop thinking about this peniswrinkle, imbibe a moderate dose of alcohol to numb your mind.  Repeat as necessary.

If people don’t understand what you’re feeling are they really worth your time?  You have to do what’s right for you no matter what anyone else thinks.  They aren’t required to understand.  If they can’t respect your decision then they are not worthy of you.  You know you better than anyone else.  Do what you know is right for you.  Fuck anyone who can’t accept that.

Name: aliceatwonderland
Unshitty™ question: Will you marry me?

Oh, no.  Fuck this.  First of all…you’re already married.  Second of all….HELL NO!

Name: jenlefeverwood
Unshitty™ question: Hey BLC!! I so thoroughly enjoyed your sarcastic banter and use of profanity today that I thought, maybe I would grace you with a question. I was wondering how you came about your name. Of all the things to call yourself, why Blunt Life Coach? What credentials do you have to consider
yourself a good advisor to life and life’s many paradoxes?

And also, when I heat BLC, it makes me think of BLT and I get really hungry!!

Do you like BLT’s Mr. BLC?

XOXO Jen, AKA Miss Tryst

Grace me with a question?  I feel so special now.  Thanks.

You want to know my qualifications?  I’m the smartest guy you know.  Period.

Profanity usage is an indicator of an honest person.  It’s been scientifically proven.  Sadly, I did not get to participate in that study.

As for my name, I’m blunt and a life coach.  Duh.  I thought it was pretty self-explanatory.

And also, do not mock my name.  You shall rue that.

Name: stankmeaner
Unshitty™ question: Do you need an apprentice? I have been honing my skills for around 35 years and really feel that I have yet to find the niche where this
particular skill set has been properly utilized. As a matter of fact, in most places it seems to be frowned upon, much to my surprise.

Stankmeaner, you already have a great name so you’ve got that going for you.

You’re right, though.  Blunt honesty is frowned upon by most people because they can’t handle the truth.  Everyone just wants to ignore the harsh realities we face and pretend everything is okay.  As for an apprenticeship, there’s really no need.  All you have to do is speak your mind and you’re already being honest.  Then, if you fail to sugarcoat the truth you’re now being blunt.  It’s really quite that simple.  Practice on your children.  It’s enlightening and fun at the same time.

Well, those are all the questions we have for today.  And because I’ve become fast friends with HK-47 since Twindaddy downloaded him to our datapad, I’ll let him close out the post.

HK-47

Query: I find this column most enlightening, don’t you, meatbags? Request: Submit your queries for Blunt Life Coach to answer so I can take solace in your humiliation. I do love it when meatbags are humiliated.

Do you have a question for Blunt Life Coach™?  If so, submit it below!

Like Blunt Life Coach™?  Check out his other stuph here!

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Discussion

74 thoughts on “Blunt Life Coach™: 5/28/2013

  1. Great answer. I tend to agree. I think some sort of uprising is inevitable. Thanks for taking the time to answer my question. :)

    Like

    Posted by daniheart21 | May 28, 2013, 1:26 pm
  2. BLC,

    You’ll be happy to know that my husband is totally okay with me having a relationship with an online split personality. Although I am starting to have second thoughts. If I were to date HK-47 I could get him to exterminate whoever I wanted, and that sounds pretty sweet.

    Alice

    Like

    Posted by aliceatwonderland | May 28, 2013, 1:54 pm
  3. BLC,
    I admire your honesty and no-nonsense attitude. Thank you for finding the time to take over the body to answer the questions!
    Faith

    Like

    Posted by faithhopechocolate | May 28, 2013, 3:29 pm
  4. My ears are bleeding…

    Like

    Posted by stephrogers | May 28, 2013, 3:50 pm
  5. Faith,
    I missed that. Now I’m angry.
    Blunt Life Coach™

    Like

    Posted by twindaddy | May 28, 2013, 4:09 pm
  6. This is awesome. I may have to do my own advice type column.

    Like

    Posted by BrainRants | May 28, 2013, 4:13 pm
  7. this is entertaining!

    Like

    Posted by behindthemaskofabuse | May 28, 2013, 4:27 pm
  8. I must admit I am very intimidated by Blunt Life Coach….I want Twindaddy back…

    Like

    Posted by merbear74 | May 28, 2013, 4:44 pm
  9. BLC, that’s pretty rough talk for a guy who isn’t cool enough to have his own body.

    Like

    Posted by Revis Edgewater | May 28, 2013, 7:19 pm
  10. BLC, I noticed your edit to one of the questions above. The longer you inhabit his body, the softer you will become. Escape while you still can.

    Like

    Posted by 1jaded1 | May 28, 2013, 7:56 pm
  11. BLC,
    Does it get crowded in Twindaddy’s head with HK-47 around now?

    Like

    Posted by MissFourEyes | May 29, 2013, 11:45 am
  12. BLC,
    I know that you won’t care about my opinion, but I thought you should know that I love that you told off the spambot. Keep up the good work.
    Matticus

    Like

    Posted by djmatticus | May 29, 2013, 1:45 pm

We don't tolerate scum.

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