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Hey nurse…you need a new job.

Yeah, I’m talking to you, nurse with the impeccable bedside manner.  You don’t remember what happened?  Wait just a sec and I will remind you.  You better be happy that I live 1400 miles away, because if I were there when it happened, your life would not be the same.  My sister is a lot more tolerant than I am.  Let’s just say that I’d be courting hungry alligators with your picture.  I don’t even know how to insult you.  To do so would lower the other members of each pool, so I will call you fucuntly, or FC for short.

My nephew graced your establishment with his presence, last Friday.  He was the 11 year old with the malfunctioning feeding machine.  He also graced your establishment a week earlier because he needed to be on a feeding tube.  His body rejected all food taken by mouth.  He either puked or pooped it out and his weight dropped to 57 lbs.  By the end of his stay, he was up to a hefty 61 lbs.

As I said, he was given a feeding machine.  He was instructed to use it while he slept, and 4 hours during the day.  Of course, if he could tolerate food by mouth, that was preferred.  After the first two nights the machine started beeping, incessantly.  This happened the entire week and it was apparent that my nephew was not getting the nutrients he desperately required.  My sister reluctantly brought the machine and my nephew back for a test.  They had to stay 24 hours for a complete evaluation.  Of course the machine only beeped a couple of times and nothing was deemed wrong.

So on Saturday, my nephew was waiting to be discharged and decided he was *gasp* hungry.  He ordered chicken nuggets because they sounded appetizing.  That’s where you come in with all your fucuntliness.

FC:  Whatcha eatin’ there bud?
Nephew:  Chicken nuggets.
FC:  Wow, those have a lot of fat and are not very healthy.

Record scratch…what.the.hell?

My sister sat dumbfounded.  My nephew was mortified.  You kept along as if nothing was wrong, while extolling the praises of healthy food.  As you were leaving, you said, “enjoy your fat”.  As my sister told me this, I felt my blood pressure rising.

If you bothered to do your research, you would have read that my nephew didn’t have a solid meal in weeks.  If you bothered to notice his emaciated frame, you would have duly noted that he was not going to become obese from the chicken nuggets.  He was actually quite proud of his low weight and asked my sister if he was really going to get fat!

If chicken nuggets are so unhealthy, why are they on the menu?  It seems pretty hypocritical.  I would love to follow you around and judge every bite you stuff into your face.  Don’t even think about having anything other than fruits and vegetables.

My nephew has been in and out of hospitals for 8 years.  His gallbladder was removed and he has stents in his pancreatic ducts.  Now, he is worried about getting fat, and he can barely eat.  Thank you fucuntly.  I hope you never have kids.  If you do, I hope they never end up in a hospital and encounter someone like you.

You need a new job.  Until then, go play with the alligators.  I mean that most sincerely.


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About 1jaded1

Jaded in Detroit


45 thoughts on “Hey nurse…you need a new job.

  1. I think fucuntly might be my new favorite word.

    I am sorry your nephew and family had to deal with that. Nice that the people who take care of us when we are at the most vulnerable can sometimes be such idiots. Makes you appreciate the good ones more, though it doesn’t help in the moment.

    Like this

    Posted by sortaginger | July 17, 2013, 12:03 pm
  2. I really hope your sister said something to someone, even if it’s an anonymous letter.

    In all our hospital travels lately, we’ve found the Patient Liaison and Head Nurse to be useful in dealing with the rest of the asshats.

    Like this

    Posted by El Guapo | July 17, 2013, 12:06 pm
    • Thank you El Guapo. She is going to talk to her primary. He is on vacation, now. The doctor on rotation, at one time said, that my nephew’s problems were in his mind and that he was manifesting everything. Next up, spontaneous combustion. Thanks again.

      Like this

      Posted by 1jaded1 | July 18, 2013, 3:57 am
  3. I don’t even know what to say, other than it’s a damn good thing I wasn’t in the room because I’d have slapped a bitch. Seriously. Just stunned.

    Like this

    Posted by Nagzilla | July 17, 2013, 12:12 pm
  4. My word. If only your sister or your nephew could have shoved the BEEPING feeding tube in her mouth there would be justice.

    Most nurses are wonderful, but it does seem that it is the assholes we remember.

    I second Guap’s comment. Somebody needs to speak with her. I can think of a few choice words myself.

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    Posted by Elyse | July 17, 2013, 12:17 pm
  5. Oh my goodness. What is wrong with people? I swear that if there was a bit more intelligence applied before speaking in a lot of cases the world would be a better place. I hope he feels better soon.

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    Posted by tinkerbelle86 | July 17, 2013, 12:29 pm
  6. Wow.
    Your sister is like me and you are like my sister. I am the more quiet one who will let certain things slide but my sister tells it like it is. However, in this case, I would have told someone. I hope your sister did tell someone how innappropriate this nurse’s comments were, even if she was joking.

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    Posted by Claudia Bette | July 17, 2013, 12:31 pm
    • Thanks, Claudia Bette. She is going to speak to someone. I asked her how she couldn’t be infuriated and she replied that she was stunned. She isn’t new to the health system and its folly, but even this caught her off guard.

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      Posted by 1jaded1 | July 17, 2013, 10:45 pm
  7. No wonder people hate hospitals….

    Like this

    Posted by The Hook | July 17, 2013, 1:05 pm
  8. Sadly, I’ve met my share of rude nurses like this. A lot of them have been in the maternity ward the last couple of years as I’ve been there multiple times for the birth of nephews and a niece. Just evil bitches.

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    Posted by twindaddy | July 17, 2013, 1:16 pm
  9. It just does NOT make sense. I hope the nephew gets to feeling better soon!

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    Posted by Christopher | July 17, 2013, 2:02 pm
  10. Who says that to a 61 pound kid!

    Like this

    Posted by Is Everyone an Idiot but Me? | July 17, 2013, 3:25 pm
  11. I like it when you get mad… don’t ever get mad at me… okay?

    Like this

    Posted by pouringmyartout | July 17, 2013, 4:16 pm
  12. Enjoy your fat? That nurse needs her license revoked. Not only is she a bitch, she’s clearly an incompetent one to bitch about what a child who has not been able to eat is now eating – I just – I don’t even. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

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    Posted by aliceatwonderland | July 17, 2013, 4:41 pm
  13. The sad thing is, she probably thought she was being helpful and friendly

    Like this

    Posted by The Cutter | July 17, 2013, 5:15 pm
  14. I wonder how some people in the health care profession end up in that profession in the first place when they have zero compassion nor common sense. I’ve encountered really bad nurses as Twindaddy said, in the obstetrics after having babies….amazingly enough. One when I was enduring a miscarriage…she was horrifying. Hopefully your sister and nephew bounce back from this negative twit and get a nurse worthy of his company.

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    Posted by Kayjai | July 17, 2013, 6:57 pm
  15. I’m so sorry your nephew is so ill. Let me at that nurse!! I’m so sick and tired of the horrible treatment from the medical world, my blood’s boiling!

    I’m thrilled to hear that your nephew ate solid food!!

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    Posted by behindthemaskofabuse | July 17, 2013, 8:00 pm
  16. This is an appropriate and awesome response. Please subming your FC on my next Rantionary (R) post. Also, and this is tasteless, I sort of wish I could borrow your nephew’s problem right now.

    Like this

    Posted by BrainRants | July 17, 2013, 9:09 pm
    • Thank you Rants. I will. I’m sure my nephew would gladly “lend” you his issues… He is a shrewd one. You would have to take all or nothing. That means everything…including the missing organs and what is yet to come.

      Like this

      Posted by 1jaded1 | July 18, 2013, 4:10 am
  17. What an idiot! Seriously people are so stupid. I wish they would teach tact in any environment where you have to be around people.

    Like this

    Posted by Daile | July 17, 2013, 9:31 pm
  18. Ugh! What a stinking bitch!
    Poor kid. I hope he never, ever, EVER has to go through that again!

    Like this

    Posted by DaydreamsinWonderland | July 17, 2013, 11:56 pm
  19. Wow, what an idiot! If the nurse had been assigned to help your nephew out then she should have been celebrating that he wanted to eat anything. If she hadn’t been assigned to him, then it was none of her business anyway and she should have kept her mouth shut. I’m feeling some of that righteous anger bubbling up inside me! As I said, what and idiot. I hope your sister can convince your nephew that the nurse was a crackpot and he should eat whatever he feels like eating, whatever tastes good, whatever sounds good until he is back to a healthy weight. Good grief.

    Like this

    Posted by djmatticus | July 18, 2013, 10:15 am
  20. As many have agreed, she was totally out of order. In this day and age of so many kids and young adults, of both sexes, having eating disorders, to say anything to a clearly under-weight kid about what he is eating is so inappropriate.

    I have a feeling given his eating problems that there may be some psychological issues relating to food, so I agree he should be encouraged to eat when he wants to eat, rather than using the feeding machine.

    You don’t want to thump her though, you’d only get your hands dirty. Get your sister to write a letter to the hospital, praising the staff who helped, and then mention this incident at the end of the letter. They’ll probably react better to it if the letter says how good everyone else was.

    Like this

    Posted by faithhopechocolate | July 23, 2013, 5:57 am
    • Thanks for the thoughtful comment. He would rather eat. He can’t keep it in. My sister did contact her doctor (who works at the hospital). I need to follow up with her regarding what happened next.

      Like this

      Posted by 1jaded1 | July 23, 2013, 10:02 pm

We don't tolerate scum.

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