Yeah, I’m talking to you, nurse with the impeccable bedside manner. You don’t remember what happened? Wait just a sec and I will remind you. You better be happy that I live 1400 miles away, because if I were there when it happened, your life would not be the same. My sister is a lot more tolerant than I am. Let’s just say that I’d be courting hungry alligators with your picture. I don’t even know how to insult you. To do so would lower the other members of each pool, so I will call you fucuntly, or FC for short.
My nephew graced your establishment with his presence, last Friday. He was the 11 year old with the malfunctioning feeding machine. He also graced your establishment a week earlier because he needed to be on a feeding tube. His body rejected all food taken by mouth. He either puked or pooped it out and his weight dropped to 57 lbs. By the end of his stay, he was up to a hefty 61 lbs.
As I said, he was given a feeding machine. He was instructed to use it while he slept, and 4 hours during the day. Of course, if he could tolerate food by mouth, that was preferred. After the first two nights the machine started beeping, incessantly. This happened the entire week and it was apparent that my nephew was not getting the nutrients he desperately required. My sister reluctantly brought the machine and my nephew back for a test. They had to stay 24 hours for a complete evaluation. Of course the machine only beeped a couple of times and nothing was deemed wrong.
So on Saturday, my nephew was waiting to be discharged and decided he was *gasp* hungry. He ordered chicken nuggets because they sounded appetizing. That’s where you come in with all your fucuntliness.
FC: Whatcha eatin’ there bud?
Nephew: Chicken nuggets.
FC: Wow, those have a lot of fat and are not very healthy.
My sister sat dumbfounded. My nephew was mortified. You kept along as if nothing was wrong, while extolling the praises of healthy food. As you were leaving, you said, “enjoy your fat”. As my sister told me this, I felt my blood pressure rising.
If you bothered to do your research, you would have read that my nephew didn’t have a solid meal in weeks. If you bothered to notice his emaciated frame, you would have duly noted that he was not going to become obese from the chicken nuggets. He was actually quite proud of his low weight and asked my sister if he was really going to get fat!
If chicken nuggets are so unhealthy, why are they on the menu? It seems pretty hypocritical. I would love to follow you around and judge every bite you stuff into your face. Don’t even think about having anything other than fruits and vegetables.
My nephew has been in and out of hospitals for 8 years. His gallbladder was removed and he has stents in his pancreatic ducts. Now, he is worried about getting fat, and he can barely eat. Thank you fucuntly. I hope you never have kids. If you do, I hope they never end up in a hospital and encounter someone like you.
You need a new job. Until then, go play with the alligators. I mean that most sincerely.