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The Drun Kenman Annals

The Drun Kenman Annals: Close the Blast Door!

Well, journal, the last few days have not been fun. In the aftermath of the “droid incident” I was questioned about my role in said incident by none other than Lord Vader himself and I was then transferred to the Death Star.

The same ship that had blasted out of docking bay 94 on Tatooine had been captured and found deserted by the time I arrived. How it had conveniently shown up right on top of the Death Star was never explained to me. I guess I don’t need to know. Ignorance has its advantages.

We were alerted to intruders in the station shortly after my arrival. Evidently there had been a jail break in the detention area. We were assembled in a hangar receiving our orders regarding the intruders. We were not to kill or capture them, but to make every attempt to make it look like we were trying to. They wanted the intruders to escape. I can only surmise that they were going to track them after they escaped, but again the logic behind the orders was not entrusted with me. Pay grade and stuff. Ignorance is bliss.

Just as we were about to be dismissed by the officer in charge, a couple of troopers and the same smuggler we had engaged in a light fight on Tatooine came barreling into the hangar. They stopped short of us and the smuggler began screaming incoherently at the top of his voice. It took us all a moment to realize what was going on and during that time the smuggler began firing rapidly into the group of us gathered there while he retreated from the hangar.

A handful of troopers on the left side of our assembled formation took hits and went down. Luckily I was in the middle where the smuggler’s blasts had no chance of hitting me. After the initial shock of having a light fight stumble into the hangar wore off, we quickly pursued the smuggler.

I am new to the Death Star, so I have no idea in which direction we were heading. I was one of the first to make it around the corner where I could spy the smuggler and his Wookiee companion at the far end. The smuggler was half turned around and firing back at us as he ran, but his shots had no chance of hitting us.

We continued to give chase throughout a labyrinth of passages and hallways, all the while firing random shots to bolster the illusion that we were trying to kill them. As troopers we’re pretty well conditioned, but the smuggler and Wookiee have some endurance, too, it seems. We were not able to catch up to them, but we didn’t lose any ground either.

We eventually came to be in a large passageway. I would occasionally snap a shot at the duo, again, to maintain the illusion. Suddenly the trooper beside me shouted, “Close the blast door!”

Wait. What did he just say?

I recognized the voice of that trooper as that of our commanding officer. Great. Here we go again, I thought. If they make it through before the doors close we’ve lost them. I realize that the ultimate goal is to let them escape, but this was going to make it blatantly obvious that we were trying to fail.

Ahead, the blast doors began to contract. The Wookiee continued to run and made it through the doors with ease, but the smuggler turned around and fired a couple of shots at us. We all slowed down and thought, or at least I did, that he would be making a stand here. Then he just as quickly spun again and ran for the blast doors. I realized he was going to make it. And that upset me even though I knew we were supposed to let them escape. I continued running and firing my blaster carbine hoping that I’d get lucky and hit him, but he dove through the doors just before they finished closing and that was it. Chase over. My idiotic commanding officer began shouting, “Open the blast door!” but it was too late. By the time it was opened back up the smuggler and Wookiee would be long gone. And they were.

The smuggler and Wookiee, along with their other companions eventually escaped from the Death Star as planned, but there’s no way they’ll believe we didn’t let them go after the blast door debacle.

Why do I keep getting stuck with all these idiots for superiors, journal?


Drun Kenman, signing out.

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27 thoughts on “The Drun Kenman Annals: Close the Blast Door!

  1. You really shouldn’t insult your commanding officer like that. I’m sure his command to close the blast door was part of a larger plan.


    Posted by rossvenhuizen | July 22, 2013, 12:06 pm
  2. That’s what COs are for: to make silly decisions and then blame you. Wait, sorry, that came out wrong. I meant “take the responsibility and the blame”. Silly me.

    Maybe they aren’t clever enough to figure out that they’re being traced.


    Posted by bardictale | July 22, 2013, 12:46 pm
  3. Buck for promotion.


    Posted by BrainRants | July 22, 2013, 2:31 pm
  4. Nothing like wanting to do your job well and being shot down,.or at..it happens everywhere.


    Posted by 1jaded1 | July 22, 2013, 9:24 pm
  5. Heavy is the head that wears the crown – I mean leadership helmet..


    Posted by The Hook | July 23, 2013, 9:20 am
  6. This is awesome. I love Star Wars but not heard a voice like this from that perspective telling a familiar part of the story. Fantastic stuff – or I guess stuph, as were the case.


    Posted by Trent Lewin | July 25, 2013, 12:29 pm


  1. Pingback: The Drun Kenman Annals: A Stroke of Luck | Stuphblog - June 5, 2014

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