My aunt died a couple of weeks ago. It was sudden and in her sleep. Everyone was stunned because she attended a family reunion, just two days before she died, and was the picture of health. The M.E. said that it was peaceful and that her heart simply stopped beating. I planned to see her the following weekend, when my vacation started. Boo for plans.
My aunt always made it a point to take care of me. The extra attention that she gave me made me uncomfortable. My sister teased me about it. My mom tried to hide her displeasure, but not very well. At times, I wanted to shrink away. It was so not worth the tension. Even after her death she took care of me. I don’t know to what extent, nor do I want to, at this point. That can wait. I just want my aunt back.
My aunt called me the week before she died. I didn’t return her call. With the time zone difference, I knew she’d be asleep. At the reunion, she asked my mom if I was coming in for vacation and my mom replied with a very mean answer. My aunt called me the night before she died. I didn’t return her call. I once again, knew she would be asleep. The next day, my mom gave me the news.
Someone with whom I sometimes correspond said something about dying in sleep. It didn’t sound peaceful, at all. I know that if I die in my sleep, it won’t be peaceful, even if it appears to be.
I have terrible insomnia. When I do sleep, I have this recurring nightmare. I’m in my apartment, which is altered in just the slightest. At this point, my subconscious knows that trouble is coming down the dream path, but I can’t wake up. Then, the freak is in my bed and choking the life out of me. I struggle myself awake. This repeats over and over, until I give up, and wake up for good. Yay.
My aunt had a dark secret that we discovered after her death. Out of respect, I will not share. I will only say that she was fighting her own demons. I think she saw myself in her. That’s why she wanted to take care of me. I can only hope that despite her demons, she did die in a peaceful dream, and not a horrible nightmare.
*Blows a kiss to my aunt* Rest in peace, dear.