It could all be over. Life is so fragile. Our bodies so frail.
This morning while driving the twins to school a full-sized, green pick up truck started to pull out in front of me from the right. As luck would have it there was a turn-lane for me to swerve into to avoid colliding with this driver who failed to look both ways before hitting the gas pedal. I quickly swerved into the turn-lane and then back into my rightful lane and in the process nearly flipped my car. I glanced in the rear-view mirror afterwards and noticed the truck had stopped, but it now consumed the entire lane which I had to temporarily vacate to avoid smashing into him. This all happened in about a three-second span.
When I am extremely tired it’s hard for my brain to fend off depressing and harmful thoughts. My mind wanders places I’d rather it not go. This morning I’m extremely tired so I have therefore been replaying this, in retrospect, harmless scenario in my head repeatedly. What if I hadn’t seen it pull out in time to avoid it? What if I had turned the wheel a bit more sharply?
I drive a small, compact car, so that truck’s bumper is on the same level as our heads. Baby A was in the front seat and Baby B was in the passenger rear. I keep thinking horrible things about what might have happened if I had not been able to react as quickly as I had. Would one or both of them still be here with me? I was driving roughly 40 mph down the road so the impact would have been catastrophic.
Then I wonder: what if the car had flipped? I had to cut the wheel hard to the left to avoid hitting this truck. Then I had to cut it hard back to the right to avoid driving right into oncoming traffic. I felt the rear end of the car threaten to keep its momentum heading that way once I straightened her back out. Luckily my tires were able to maintain their grip on the road and the car only swayed back and forth momentarily before everything went back to normal as if nothing had ever happened.
In the end, I’m sure the twins and I will forget about this by the end of the day. No harm came to us and other things will swoop in and steal our attention. But right now I feel as though I narrowly avoided losing one or both of my boys. I can’t stop my mind from picturing the chrome bumper of that intimidating truck come crashing through my passenger windows and committing unspeakable harm to my babies.
I asked both of the boys if they were okay before letting them go off to school and they said they were fine. I told them I loved them, to have a good day, and that I would see them tomorrow, as is our routine. If nothing else, this event served to remind me that everything you know could disappear in the blink of an eye. You never know what cruel fate awaits us or our loved ones on a daily basis.
So make sure you hug your kids a little more tightly from now on. Make sure those you love know you love them. Show them with action. Show them with words. Let them know how much you appreciate them. Every chance to do so could be your last.