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My Bond Experience

Bond. James Bond. It seems he has been around forever. To me he has been. After all, he was around long before I was born.

Because of when I was born, I missed the Sean Connery and Roger Moore years of James Bond. Most Bond fanatics will tell you that Sean Connery is the one and only James Bond. I’m not sure I can agree with that. Not because I don’t believe it, but because I haven’t seen enough of the old Bond movies to know for sure.

By the time I was old enough to be allowed to watch Bond movies, it was the Timothy Dalton era. His first Bond movie, The Living Daylights, came out in 1987, when I was 9 years old. His other one, License To Kill, came out two years later when I was 11. I don’t actually remember if I watched the first one, but I do remember watching the second one. Other than that, I don’t remember anything about it. I don’t remember the plot, the characters, or the stunts. I just remember that I watched it.

According to those Bond fanatics, not remembering it is a good thing. They hated the two Timothy Dalton movies. I’ve been trying my hardest to try to remember anything else about the movies, but all I’m getting is a vague sense of indifference. I didn’t like the movies, but I didn’t hate them, either. Because of the indifference towards them, I never really went out of my way to watch the old ones. I would catch bits and pieces of them when they were on TV, but that was the extent of it. I never really got into Bond until Goldeneye.

Goldeneye is a great movie. I liked everything about it. Did Pierce Brosnan spout a few cheesy lines? Sure. Was Xenia Onatopp, an assassin woman who killed by squeezing men between her legs, a little over-the-top? Of course. Do I remember the movie more fondly because the video game was so badass? Perhaps…. but I still like the movie anyways. Pierce played James in three more films, but Goldeneye was my favorite of his.

Now, it’s the Daniel Craig era. I loved Casino Royale. He kicked so much ass in that movie. Quantum of Solace was good, too, but I like Casino Royale better. I have yet to see Sky Fall (I actually borrowed it a month ago from someone, but haven’t gotten a chance to watch it yet. Oy vey). I’ve heard that it’s the best of the Daniel Craig Bond movies, and if it is, that’s saying something.

Throughout the Brosnan/Craig run of Bond, I still had yet to see any more than 10 minutes of any Bond movie made before 1987…..until a couple of days ago. It was midnight and I was trying to get my daughter to go to sleep. I was flipping through the channels and saw that one of the movie stations had an old Bond movie on, The Man With the Golden Gun (Roger Moore). It was Bond. It was Christopher Lee as a bad guy (Hey, it worked in Lord of the Rings and Star Wars). It was midnight. What the hell? I’ll give it a shot. Last night, another late night, it was Goldfinger (Sean Connery)(Am I the only other person to notice the ‘gold’ trend? What was Ian Fleming’s fascination with gold?)

After watching those two movies, I’ve come to the conclusion that I can’t enjoy the old Bond movies. Not because they’re bad, but because they’re old. Since the time that these movies have been made, there have been major advancements in stunt work, fight choreography, and special effects that make those old movies look horrible. I’ll give you some examples.

In The Man With the Golden Gun, there’s a part where Christopher Lee, as Scaramunga, hooks wings to his car and turns it into a plane. It looked like they glued a glider to the top of the car, so it was incredibly cheesy looking. When it shows “the car” taking off, it looked just like what it probably was…. a modified model airplane. During the shots where it was flying, the camera was so far away from “the car” that all you saw was a dot up in the sky. It was too far away to tell what it actually was.

In Goldfinger, I found myself really anxious to see the fight between Bond and Oddjob, as Oddjob is supposed to be one of Bond’s toughest villains. It was so disappointing. It starts off with Bond throwing a gold brick at him. It bounces off his chest and Oddjob just smiles. They spend the rest of the fight pushing and pulling each other, mostly.

I’m sure at the time these movies were made, these were top of the line things. Nowadays, however, even the crappiest Syfy original movies have better things in them. I’m sure if I had seen these movies when I was younger (before I had seen some of the newer movies) I probably would love the old Bond movies. As it stands right now, I can’t watch them anymore. I find myself thinking these kinds of things throughout the whole movie: “That looks like crap.” “This fight is horrible. You could see that punch coming from a mile away.” “Pussy Galore? Really???”

I can’t watch them. I might try watching more later on, but I can’t watch them anymore right now.

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I'm Revis Edgewater, the world's only zombie killing rogue ninja. I'm also the First Knight of the Matticus Kingdom. I write stuph that's 33 grams of whatever I'm writing about.

Discussion

21 thoughts on “My Bond Experience

  1. I could never get into Bond at all. I love action movies. Jeremy Renner kicks serious ass. You are right about the special effects of the old movies. Even my sister’s kids laugh at the cheesiness.

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    Posted by 1jaded1 | September 14, 2013, 12:12 pm
  2. Roger Moore was the Bond I grew up with and so he holds a special place in my nerd heart.
    Craig is superb – for our era. Brosnan and Dalton were underrated as far as I’m concerned.
    Great post, Revis.

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    Posted by The Hook | September 14, 2013, 2:45 pm
  3. I liked watching Daniel Craig get his Bond nuts crushed because nobody should have an upper body that looks like that… the fucker.

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    Posted by BrainRants | September 14, 2013, 4:00 pm
  4. I’ll stick with Craig too.
    I’ve been watching them since Moore’s been making them (though I remember seeing Never Say Never Again with Connery in a movie theater).
    I think Brosnan had crap scripts, and Dalton was too good an actor to be Bond.

    Why no mention of George Lazenby?

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    Posted by El Guapo | September 14, 2013, 6:20 pm
  5. My dad used to watch Connery and Moore. I did not care for Moore much. But Connery, well, hubba hubba hubba! However, Craig is still the best Bond for me.

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    Posted by likeitiz | September 14, 2013, 10:03 pm
    • Uhhh, I’ll take your word for it on Connery. I don’t judge Bonds based on looks.

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      Posted by Revis Edgewater | September 15, 2013, 7:58 pm
      • It has to be the entire package, never just good looks. It has a lot to do with the glance that could melt your guard, the handling of the martini glass, the steering wheel of the spotty vehicle, like they were born to drive them, etc. most importantly, they have to look like they are capable of deep compassion as well as the killer sense that the can kill with their bare hands if provoked.

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        Posted by likeitiz | September 16, 2013, 12:13 am
  6. The Pierce Brosnan movies were incredibly cheesy and over the top, but I still enjoyed them because Pierce Brosnan. However, with the reinvention of Bond and Daniel Craig…I love it. They abandoned the cheesy lines and the gratuitous gadget tricks and made serious movies.

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    Posted by Twindaddy | September 15, 2013, 7:53 am
  7. I bet you could watch the old movies if you wanted to… because he was the best… are we bonding yet?

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    Posted by pouringmyartout | September 15, 2013, 11:26 am
  8. I’m a Brosnan fan. He had fun with the role. The others took it so damn seriously. And really, Brosnan was the first non-sexist Bond. “Octopussy?” Give me a break!

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    Posted by Elyse | September 15, 2013, 8:49 pm
  9. My first bond flicks were done by Moore, I stopped watching when they had Pierce Brosnan do Bond. My son forced me to watch the new ones with Craig and now I like Bond again ;) (or maybe I just like Daniel Craig …)

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    Posted by C.K. Hope | September 16, 2013, 2:10 am
  10. Love the Bond films, but agree with you on the effects. I think it probably requires a certain mood or frame of mind to be able to watch the older ones.

    I’ve seen some of Casino Royale and yes, Daniel Craig is good. What I love mostly about Bond is the title songs, especially when they’re sung by people like Shirley Bassey and Tina Turner…

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    Posted by faithhopechocolate | September 19, 2013, 4:39 pm

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