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Blunt Life Coach

Seasons Greetings from Blunt Life Coach…Kinda…

Well, it’s Christmas time. That wonderful time of year when we bring joy to the world and show good will to our neighbors. Fuck that. I’m still going to be blunt. No jolly fat man with presents is going to put a shine on my disposition. I’m all about reality and reality sucks no matter what time of year it is.

So I’m here to answer questions, obviously. What started as an advice column has somehow turned into people submitting questions with the sole purpose of trying to irritate me. And for that, they will receive my wrath for Christmas. With nary a bow on my vitriolic responses.

I don’t normally like cats, but this one I respect.

Let’s get to our regularly scheduled idiotic questions.

Name: pouringmyartout
Here is what I need advice for…: I have a question… who do you think you are? No… don’t answer that… I don’t really care… you called my friend a crotch-rash… and that cracked me up.
…wait… I do have one question… Can I get fries with that?


Name: El Guapo
Here is what I need advice for…: Answering the question of who is the bigger idiot – the idiot who asks these questions, or the idiot who spends his time answering them?

The idiot who asks the question, obviously. It’s my job to answer these questions. I’d much rather actually help people than answer these asinine questions from Art and Zoe.

Name: NotAPunkRocker
Here is what I need advice for…: What’s wrong with hugs?  Can I volunteer to be “analyzed”?

Hugs? No touchy. And volunteer away, I’m not sure there’s anything to be done about your condition, but it can’t hurt to try.

Name: icescreammama
Here is what I need advice for…: ha! love blunt life coach. my grandmother would have been great at that job.

Looks like someone can’t tell a comment box from a submission box. Fail. I’m glad you enjoy my words. It means you have good taste. Also, it sounds like your grandmother was a very reasonable woman, which are two words seldom used in tandem.

Name: behindthemaskofabuse
Here is what I need advice for…: BLC if you don’t like people asking questions, then why do you keep asking us to submit them?  You seem very conflicted to me. I think you may have issues. P.S. I can spel

Name: djmatticus
Here is what I need advice for…: When trying to decide if it makes more sense to move to a better school district, live closer to work, or live someplace we can afford a house, where should we put the emphasis?  Also, if moving out of state is the only way to attain all three, is it really worth it to hit that trifecta, or is 2 our 3 good enough?

Ultimately, out of the three choices presented, your child’s education is of the most paramount importance. If that means  an hour commute in your mornings and evenings, then so be it. If that means you have to continue to rent instead of owning a home, so be it. Your child’s education is more valuable to his future than the inconvenience of renting and/or lengthy commutes. You only have one chance to be a good parent, don’t waste it. I point to Zoe and Art for examples of what can happen to your child if you place your offspring’s education below affordable housing or a shorter commute.

Also, thank you for asking a legit question.

Do you need advice from Blunt Life Coach?  If so, submit a question below!

Like Blunt Life Coach?  Check out his other stuph here!

*WARNING* Blunt Life Coach is an abrasive asshole. Please be advised that he will answer comments rudely. This is all done in good fun, but if you’re easily offended please do not leave a comment.

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38 thoughts on “Seasons Greetings from Blunt Life Coach…Kinda…

  1. Hooray, I asked a “legit” question. Do I get a cookie or something?


    Posted by djmatticus | December 20, 2013, 2:16 pm
    • DJ,
      It was a welcome reprieve from the shit I’m normally asked. Quite frankly, those are the type of questions I hope to have submitted. Perhaps I can send a cookie your way. It is Christmas, after all.
      Blunt Life Coach


      Posted by Twindaddy | December 20, 2013, 2:17 pm
      • BLC,
        I felt, after the banality you normally have to put up with, that you deserved a proper question. You answer was on par with my thoughts as well. Unfortunately, life is never that simple. For, to move to a good school district we would have to sell our current home, and then rent something smaller than we currently have at a higher price than we currently pay for our mortgage. Plus, I already have the hour commute to work. Though, I’d probably be closer to work if we did move… Time to ponder changes. Change sucks.


        Posted by djmatticus | December 20, 2013, 2:20 pm
        • DJ,
          You still have a handful of years before your little one begins school. A lot can change in those years. One thing I’ve always found is that solutions present themselves at the most unlikely times. I’m sure things will work out and you will find away to give your little Prince the best education you can. If you don’t, like forward to raising a miniature Art.
          Blunt Life Coach


          Posted by Twindaddy | December 20, 2013, 2:25 pm
          • BLC,
            A miniature Art? That may be the scariest thing I’ve ever heard.
            Yes, we do have some time. And, yes solutions do have a way of presenting themselves. Sadly, though, often times those solution require further changes, compromises, etc.. Case in point, the change I recently made in my life, while it was the right one for my family, it meant was going to be have less time to spend blogging. While that seems an easy choice to make, and it was, it was still painful. Things move so fast in the blogosphere, when I disappear for a day I feel like I’m weeks behind.


            Posted by djmatticus | December 20, 2013, 2:28 pm
          • DJ,
            My posts are the only ones you shouldn’t miss, and you haven’t. Take solace in that.
            Blunt Life Coach


            Posted by Twindaddy | December 20, 2013, 2:31 pm
          • BLC,
            Solace taken. Thank you.


            Posted by djmatticus | December 20, 2013, 2:36 pm
  2. I can feel the love, you so love Arthur and I!


    Posted by behindthemaskofabuse | December 20, 2013, 2:22 pm
  3. BLC,
    Your picture of Art as the scarecrow is pure genius. Can I have one in a 5 by 7?


    Posted by aliceatwonderland | December 20, 2013, 2:22 pm
  4. Hilarious – and the comment section is as funny as the post! Love love love.


    Posted by mollytopia | December 20, 2013, 6:01 pm
  5. BLC
    Seasons Greetings to you, as well…kinda.


    Posted by 1jaded1 | December 21, 2013, 1:01 am
  6. Hilarious, as always…


    Posted by suzie81 | December 21, 2013, 6:11 am
  7. This reminds me that I’ve not done a Rantswer post in a while. Dammit.


    Posted by BrainRants | December 21, 2013, 12:05 pm
  8. Anyone offended by BLC should be ashamed of themselves.
    Well done. folks!


    Posted by The Hook | December 22, 2013, 11:57 am
  9. I’m so glad I didn’t accidentally comment in the question box. Just reading that felt like watching someone give a really bad presentation in school.


    Posted by Aussa Lorens | December 22, 2013, 7:08 pm
  10. Meh. Blunt Life Coach couldn’t answer his way out of a paper bag.


    Posted by El Guapo | December 23, 2013, 2:00 pm
  11. This was hilarious – loved it! :) You crack me up.


    Posted by WordsFallFromMyEyes | December 28, 2013, 5:13 am


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