About these ads

Christmas Clusterfuck

I'm the best part of waking up!

Drink me!

My muse is still MIA (on Christmas vacation before I am, I suspect), but I do have a few things to talk about. So sit back, relax, and enjoy your coffeh (or tea or alcoholic beverage of your choice) because you’ll need some sort of chemical stimulant to get through this one.

Merry Christmas (or Happy Holidays or Happy Hanukkah or Kwanza or New Year or whatever holiday you celebrate-gotta cover all the bases so no one gets offended, right? sigh…).

First off, we have a silly kid story which ends with me having a cut three inches long on the top of my left foot. Good times.

I have (well, had) two glass bakeware dishes. I used them last night to prepare pork chops for myself and the boys. After we had finished eating, Baby A had the task of loading the dishes. He forgot about the two glass dishes when he initially loaded the dishwasher. I sent Baby A into the kitchen later to hand wash them since he had already run the washer.

Later on, Baby C asked for an apple. I keep the apple slicer in the dish drainer next to the sink since he asks for apples so often. I simply cut the apple, rinse off the slicer, and put it in the drainer for reuse later.

Baby A had stuck both of the baking dishes in the drainer leaning towards the front. Not towards the wall, not towards the sink, but the front. Evidently, the measly few ounces of the apple slicer was the only thing keeping the drainer, and thus the two dishes, from tipping over.

I grabbed the slicer and stepped to the other side of the sink where I had an apple on a paper plate ready to slice for Baby C. Out of the corner of my eye I saw both dishes begin to fall forward, where there was nothing between them and the floor but a couple inches of counter space.

Both dishes leapt from the counter top to the floor below. The cacophony caused when the dishes hit the linoleum-covered concrete was deafening. It was so loud it brought both twins crashing into the kitchen. That’s no easy task, getting them off their asses.

The smaller dish somehow remained intact as it clattered around on the floor. The bigger one fucking exploded.

I let out a seriously complex string of swear words and told Baby A he needed to get his shoes on and clean up this mess. I gave Baby C his apple slices and found an empty box in which Baby A could put all of the shattered glass.

After all of the glass was in the box, I slipped on my sandals (it was unseasonably warm yesterday) and walked the remains of my baking dish to the dumpster. I gave it a silent eulogy (what am I going to make pork chops in now?) and then headed back inside where I plopped my disgruntled happy ass back on the couch.

“Um, dad?” That was Baby B. “There’s blood on your foot.”

I looked down.

On the top of my left foot was a cut at least three inches long and copious amounts of smeared blood. Sigh… Like this incident needed to get worse.

I cleaned up my “wound” and inspected my sandal, which now has a huge blood stain on it. Yay.

Last year I participated in C4C (Company for Christmas), a project created by Rule of Stupid. The object is to give those who have no one to spend Christmas with someone to, you know, spend Christmas with. Even if it’s virtually.

This year the project is being spearheaded by my buddy Rawra. If you have a free hour or two on Christmas, please stop by and spend it with those who aren’t fortunate enough to have someone to spend their holiday with.

It’s almost Christmas! (Duh) Here are some of Christmas posts I’ve published in the past that are kinda entertaining. Or something

That concludes my Christmas randomness for today. I may or may not be on here tomorrow, so I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas if you celebrate. If not, then I hope your Wednesday doesn’t suck. Or your Tuesday.


About these ads

About Twindaddy

Sometimes funny. Sometimes serious. Always genuine.


66 thoughts on “Christmas Clusterfuck

  1. Sorry about your baking dish and you foot. I’m certain things will get better. Merry Christmas!


    Posted by Angela Death | December 23, 2013, 1:12 pm
  2. Ugh. Hope your foot is feeling better and you have no more cf. Reading this straight edge, BTW.


    Posted by 1jaded1 | December 23, 2013, 1:15 pm
  3. Aww, I hope your foot heels up quickly! & thank you for spreading the word on C4C!! xo!


    Posted by rarasaur | December 23, 2013, 1:52 pm
  4. Merry Christmas if I don’t see you (virtually, that is).


    Posted by Katie | December 23, 2013, 1:55 pm
  5. Ouch glad no stitches were needed! Do I need to buy you a pork chop dish for Christmas?


    Posted by behindthemaskofabuse | December 23, 2013, 2:00 pm
  6. My muse is playing hooky with your muse. Make them come home!


    Posted by outlawmama | December 23, 2013, 2:24 pm
  7. Merry Christmas and such! You look good in that hat.


    Posted by La La | December 23, 2013, 2:46 pm
  8. Merry christmas to you, the twins, baby c, and everyone else in your life, TD.


    Posted by El Guapo | December 23, 2013, 2:56 pm
  9. Merreh Christmas TD and thanks for linking some of my crap. (Big hugs!)


    Posted by merbear74 | December 23, 2013, 3:16 pm
  10. Blood will come out of leather if you work it carefully. Don’t ask how I know this. Also, this is why you fucking grill chops.


    Posted by BrainRants | December 23, 2013, 3:20 pm
  11. Twindaddy I had no idea this was you, though I could not believe another person had a Star Wars fetish on wordpress. Duh.
    You are indeed two different people.
    But then, aren’t we all?
    So sorry about your foot. But it serves you right for not telling me you have a seriously evil alter ego. ;)


    Posted by katebortell | December 23, 2013, 3:23 pm
  12. Have a great Christmas. I hope Santa brings you a baking dish, because pork chops. Mmmmmm.


    Posted by stephrogers | December 23, 2013, 4:05 pm
  13. I hope Santa brings you some shoes. Flip flops are bad for your feet in so many ways.


    Posted by Elyse | December 23, 2013, 4:19 pm
  14. It sucks. But at least I don’t have a cut on my foot.


    Posted by aliceatwonderland | December 23, 2013, 10:51 pm
  15. Oh… you did not just offer alcohol to my crack-addicted cranium squirrels…


    Posted by pouringmyartout | December 23, 2013, 11:06 pm
  16. YIKES!! Hope your foot is OK! Merry Christmas to you and the boys TD


    Posted by Daile | December 24, 2013, 12:46 am
  17. See what you get for wearing sandals my friend. : ) I wear them all year around and have a bruise on the top of one foot and a gash on the side of another at this moment in time. Xmas tree mishap of sorts. And, well, you know that if we dumbass sandal wearing goons would put shoes on, then we wouldn’t have as much to complain about. : ) I hope your foot is feeling better. Merry Christmas to you and your Babies.


    Posted by Pocahontas | December 24, 2013, 2:03 am
  18. Haha great (although bloody and sort of tragic) story. Hope your foot is feeling better. Band aids in your stocking? No. Shatter proof dishes! Merry Christmas to you and your family!


    Posted by bethteliho | December 24, 2013, 9:39 am
  19. So, in our pursuit to actual eat dinner at the same time, the Queen and I have employed various techniques to keep the Little Prince distracted during dinner. One of those was to let him wander around on the floor under the table and around the kitchen… Friday night, while we ate, the Little Prince discovered our wine bar… which was not yet baby proofed. He pulled a wine bottle from it… It hit the floor… It didn’t break. We breathed a sigh of relief, pulled him away, gave him something else to play with and went back to the table to finish our dinner. We saw him make his way back toward the wine bar. We paused to see what would happen… he pulled another bottle out. It hit the floor. *POP* It exploded. Wine everywhere. Glass everywhere… included the stem of the bottle still held firmly in the Little Prince’s hand. I don’t think the Queen and I have moved that fast in years. It took about two hours to clean up the mess and inspect the floor to make sure the millions of tiny shards had been collected. And, we moved the bar to a different part of the house where he isn’t allowed to roam free. Good times.


    Posted by djmatticus | December 24, 2013, 11:40 am
    • Yeah, sounds fun. We’re still finding slivers of glass on the floor despite sweeping the floor multiple times. Plus, there are now two huge gashes in the linoleum. Sigh…


      Posted by Twindaddy | December 24, 2013, 11:45 am
      • Ouch. That stinks. Yeah, we have tile… which is probably one of the reasons it shattered so completely, but at least the bottle didn’t “hurt” the floor.
        And glass follows different rules of physics I think. Somehow it can disappear and then reappear in places you’ve already cleaned hours and days later. Someone should do a study on that.
        Glad nobody was hurt on your end. And hopefully that was the end of the “excitement” in your household this year. I hope you and yours have a wonderful day tomorrow! :-D


        Posted by djmatticus | December 24, 2013, 11:47 am
  20. This sounds like something that would happen to me except I wouldn’t have any children to blame and it would have been my own fault because I make terrible decisions.
    I hope your wound heals up nicely and that you don’t injure yourself any further over the holidays….


    Posted by Aussa Lorens | December 24, 2013, 2:08 pm
  21. At least it wasn’t an olive oil bottle. Those are a pain to clean up!
    Merry Christmas to you and yours^^


    Posted by bardictale | December 25, 2013, 1:11 pm
  22. Ouch! Hope your Christmas was much better!
    Is it too late for holiday themed hugs? *naked merry hugs*


    Posted by MissFourEyes | December 26, 2013, 10:16 am
  23. Merry Christmas I guess…?
    Be glad you didn’t cut a muscle or something. Hey, there’s a bright side to everything ;).
    (Unless you actually cut a muscle, but I suppose you’d feel that right away.)


    Posted by No Blog Intended | December 26, 2013, 1:13 pm
  24. Get well soon! Ouch.

    I like that C4C idea. Too late now, but I would have done it. I was alone Christmas Day, but very truly happy my son was with a family, having a full and wonderful day – at his friend’s house. We exchanged gifts in the morning. He gave me a beautiful note which meant a lot, with the gift, but gifts take 5 minutes and they’re done! So I was glad he had a family to be with, as we’re so solo.

    Merry Christmas then… & happy new year :)


    Posted by WordsFallFromMyEyes | December 28, 2013, 5:10 am
  25. If Baby A hasn’t bought you a replacement dish, make him do so, to ensure he learns about stacking a draining board properly. I hope your foot has healed up by now.


    Posted by faithhopechocolate | January 19, 2014, 3:38 pm

We don't tolerate scum.

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

About these ads

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention

Out of the Darkness

Please click here to donate

Support #rawrLove

Click the pic to see how you can buy this and other #rawrLove products and support our beloved Rawra.

Support Our Bloggers!

Blog for Mental Health

Blog for Mental Health

Follow Twindaddy!

Twindaddy on Twitter! Twindaddy on G+!


Follow on Bloglovin

Don't have enough junk in your email? Not to worry, we can help! Click the link below to have even more stuph sent to your inbox.

Join 4,409 other followers


Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 4,409 other followers

%d bloggers like this: