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Hero of the Moment

Hero of the Moment: Drunk Ferry Thief

It’s been a minute since I wrote a Hero of the Moment post, mostly because I don’t much follow the news any more. However, someone shared a link on Facebook yesterday, leading to this post.

Alison Whelan, a 51-year old Brit, had a grand 48 hours of drinking and eating deadly nightshade, a known hallucinogen. After her two-day long soiree, she boarded a 45-foot ferry, undid the moorings, and set sail. Kinda…

Yes, she basically stole a ferry whilst drunk, high, and hallucinating.

After she undid the mooring the ferry drifted with the river’s tide, smashing into other boats “like a pinball machine”. From the article:

Whelan taunted police, shouting: “What are you going to do now?” and “I believe this is out of your jurisdiction!”

Thirty police, a lifeboat crew, Coastguards and paramedics had to be called.

And when the cops finally arrested her after an hour when the ferry came to rest in calm water, she told them: “We’d have ended up in St Tropez if we hadn’t been caught.”

Now, you are more than likely wondering if I’m drunk and high for asserting that this woman is a hero. Well, you may be right, but hear me out. The reason this woman is my Hero of the Moment is because from the moment she undid the moorings to the time she was apprehended she continually shouted, “I’m Jack Sparrow! I’m a pirate!”

Jack Sparrow

Jack Sparrow. Captain. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This is a level of hilarity I’ll likely never achieve in my life. To be clear, I do not condone stealing boats, ferries, or any other type of vehicle, but if you’re going to do it, claiming to be Jack Sparrow while doing so is fucking awesomesauce.

Jack Sparrow is among one of my favorite fictional characters and were I to ever engage in piratical activity, I would most certainly emulate the “worst pirate I’ve ever heard of.”

Jack Sparrow (Madame Tussauds).

But you HAVE heard of me. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

So here’s to you, Alison Whelan. Sure, you were jailed 122 days for aggravated vehicle taking (she wasn’t aggravated, she was drunk…and high), but I deem that consequence worthy of the “crime.” You may take solace in the fact that you are now a part of Stuphblog’s wall of shame.

Jack Sparrow Scream

(Photo credits: Giphy)

Source: Drunk woman steals 45ft ferry while shouting ‘I’m Jack Sparrow’ – Daily Record.

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Discussion

96 thoughts on “Hero of the Moment: Drunk Ferry Thief

  1. More than awesome….I love me some Jack. Oh, you meant the pirate….never mind.

    Like

    Posted by Kayjai | January 9, 2014, 9:21 am
  2. I support anything associated with Johnny Depp pirating…

    Like

    Posted by Rutabaga the Mercenary Researcher | January 9, 2014, 10:10 am
  3. I’m pretty sure this was a major plot point on “Arrested Development.”

    Like

    Posted by rossmurray1 | January 9, 2014, 11:26 am
  4. I saw the picture and I assumed this post was going to be about me…

    Like

    Posted by pouringmyartout | January 9, 2014, 12:01 pm
  5. I love me some Jack Sparrow, too! Great post!

    Like

    Posted by whiteladyinthehood | January 9, 2014, 12:08 pm
  6. Thanks for posting that picture of Johnny Depp. Totes hot.

    Like

    Posted by merbear74 | January 9, 2014, 12:37 pm
  7. Fuck drunken twitter nights. I’m stealing ferrys.

    Like

    Posted by BrainRants | January 9, 2014, 12:53 pm
  8. I love a happy ending…

    Like

    Posted by The Hook | January 9, 2014, 1:03 pm
  9. Easiest jail time ever? She got to spend the whole 100+ days recounting her tale about the time she became Captain Jack Sparrow.

    Like

    Posted by djmatticus | January 9, 2014, 1:55 pm
  10. What a kick this story is. ; ) Gotta love it!

    Like

    Posted by Pocahontas | January 9, 2014, 2:28 pm
  11. At least she didn’t keep screaming that she was Leonardo DiCaprio…. that might have called for desperate measures to take her ship down…

    Like

    Posted by evilsquirrel13 | January 9, 2014, 2:37 pm
  12. Reblogged this on Gems favourite things.

    Like

    Posted by gemsonkat | January 9, 2014, 3:23 pm
  13. Hahahahaha! I’m freaking Jack Sparrow! I want to walk into work one day shouting that.

    Like

    Posted by aliceatwonderland | January 9, 2014, 4:35 pm
  14. Sparrow is my hero!

    Like

    Posted by behindthemaskofabuse | January 9, 2014, 4:37 pm
  15. That’s brilliant. Reminds me of the guy who sang every word of “Bohemian Rhapsody” in the back of a cop car. I often think about what song I would sing in that situation…. Maybe I’ll just stick to declaring myself to be Jack Sparrow.

    Like

    Posted by Aussa Lorens | January 9, 2014, 5:06 pm
  16. Man – I loved this story. So good and makes me feel better about my drunken escapades because I’m sure I’ll never be ‘stealing a ferry and thinking I’m Jack Sparrow drunk’

    Hopefully

    Like

    Posted by Daile | January 9, 2014, 6:14 pm
  17. anything depp does is fabulous

    Like

    Posted by icescreammama | January 9, 2014, 6:49 pm
  18. Hilarious is right! Cop says to his kids later that night, “Hey kids! You’ll never guess who I arrested today…”

    Like

    Posted by 1jaded1 | January 9, 2014, 9:23 pm
  19. I tread that yesterday too. How hilarious! Here’s one for you… when my dad was a first year out teacher he took a group of students on an excursion (that’s field trip for you Muuuricans) into the city. One of his kids ran off and stole the Manly Ferry and drove off with it. The water police had to stop the ferry and get it back. True story. And I’m going into teaching. I must need my head read!

    Like

    Posted by stephrogers | January 9, 2014, 9:46 pm
  20. I have it on good authority that not all ferry stealings end in prison.
    Sometimes they just end up on the beach.

    Like

    Posted by El Guapo | January 10, 2014, 3:30 pm
  21. I’m in the UK. How did I not hear about this before now? Oh, wait, it might help if I actually watched the news…

    Like

    Posted by faithhopechocolate | January 21, 2014, 1:01 pm

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