Last night I went looking for a friend on Facebook so I could send her a message. She wasn’t there. I then searched her profile, brought it up, and saw a button which said, “Add to Friends.”
I suppose everyone has seen or heard about this. It’s a sad, unfortunate clusterfuck of a situation, and yet another instance which further strengthens my resolve to secede from humanity. I struggled with the decision to comment on that post as I don’t really like drama and I don’t usually get involved in causes. However, I had heard firsthand from many other people about how much they had been hurt by this man, and I felt it was the right thing to do to speak up for myself (as I had also been crossed by him) and those who had confided in me. People, in my lowly opinion, had a right to know what they were getting into if they decided to get involved with him. So I shoved aside my fear and commented.
This, evidently, displeased my friend.
I reached out to her and asked her why she was no longer my friend, though I had my suspicions what the answer would be. “Unfortunately, I have seen a side of people I don’t like,” she responded. I asked her to elaborate, just so I could be certain which side of me she had seen that she didn’t like. What it boils down to is this: she said she respects my position on the issue, but doesn’t like what’s happening right now and wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
Translation: I agree with your assessment of the situation, but you shouldn’t have publicly said anything about it.
I get that her friend is devastated right now. Over 100 people came out and shared similar stories of harassment and mistreatment by this same man. The response to this post was overwhelming. I also get her wanting to stick by her friend’s side. That’s what a good friend does. A good friend sticks by you through thick and thin, despite what kind of things you fucked up. I respect her decision to stick by her friend in the face of everything that’s come to light in the last week. What I don’t get is blind loyalty. Were this man still my friend, I would definitely stick by him provided he admitted his faults and sought treatment for them. I would also not spurn those who came forward with their stories of injustice. Though a few people did get carried away with insults, most of the people who shared their stories did so respectfully while congratulating the post’s author for her bravery.
I was afraid that speaking up would have consequences. And though I expected them, I’m still disappointed. The friend I lost is one of the kindest, gentlest, and wisest people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. I hope one day, when this is all water under the bridge, that we can become friends again, and I told her so. I’m saddened by her loss. She had been someone I reached out to in the past, and had always, ALWAYS let me know that her door was open to me. But that door is now closed.
For now, I’m still saddened by this entire situation. What a sad, sad time for everyone involved.