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Talk Dirty To Me

[Author's Note: Today I will be broaching a subject that I surprisingly have never broached before. At least, I haven't broached it on this here weblog. Today's topic will be sex. If you're not at all interested in reading about this, I will not be offended if you skip this one. Haha, just kidding.  Yes I will. Seriously, don't read this if you're sensitive about sex.]

I recently had a discussion with a friend about dirty talk. The discussion began because of lewd emails that had recently become public. She told me she didn’t think I needed to worry about that ever happening to me, to which I concurred (like a doctor) because I couldn’t talk to a woman like that even if she wanted me to. Something about it has never felt right to me.

Obviously, for things to work in the bedroom you need to communicate. Unless you can read minds. I, however, can’t do that. I can’t even read my own. So some sort of communication is needed whether it be oral (pun intended) or subtly, or forcefully, moving your partner to a place or position in which you want them to be.

The first woman I was ever with was very, shall we say, conservative. To the point where she didn’t use terms, appropriate or otherwise, for sex organs. The first time she offered me fellatio this was, verbatim, how she asked: “Do you want me to talk to him?”

It’s okay to laugh. I did. Under my breath, though. I didn’t want my laughter to prevent her from speaking to him.

That was all I knew for a long, long time. Years later, when I was with a new partner, she was the polar opposite. The very first time we were, um, getting busy, she whispered, “I want you to fuck me.”

This time I did laugh. I couldn’t help it. I didn’t know how to respond to that at the time. I thought that’s what I was already doing. I had obviously never been talked to like that before and hadn’t the slightest clue on how to react to that statement.

She liked to talk dirty and wanted to be talked to thusly in return. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t make myself do it. I was uncomfortable with it. To this day I can’t pinpoint why. I mean, it’s not really degrading or disrespectful if your partner likes that and asks you to do it, but I just couldn’t.

I eventually was able to venture out of my comfort zone and say some lewd things to her, and her positive reaction to them made me feel more comfortable in doing so.

Still, even knowing that my partner prefers to be spoken to thusly doesn’t ease my discomfort. What if I cross a line? What if there’s a boundary there I’m unaware of? What about when I’m with someone new? How do I know if they’re okay with it? How do I know how far I can go? There’s only one way to find out and often times if you cross that line there’s no going back.

Personally, I prefer the sounds of love-making to anything that is said during the act. I guess I’m just weird that way. There’s just something about the way a woman moans….and that’s all I have to say about that.

Audience Participation Time!

Do you like dirty talk? Do you prefer to your actions speak for themselves? Or are you somewhere in the middle? Inquiring minds want to know.

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Discussion

135 thoughts on “Talk Dirty To Me

  1. You sound just like Ana from 50 Shades in the bedroom w/ no use of bodily terms. Ooooh you put your “popsickle” in my “down there”! I don’t see a problem in naming body parts, but then you gotta figure out if you want the technical terms, or the slang ones. I mean, somehow shouting, “I want your penis in my vagina!” sounds a bit odd. Then again, I’m not very comfortable with the dirty talk either. A little innuendo, yes, but the other stuff is just kind of gross.

    Like

    Posted by aliceatwonderland | January 30, 2014, 9:58 am
  2. I’m vocal about all of it. The husband messes with me though. He likes to ask me questions, and during sex the part of my brain that is able to evaluate my answers shuts off. I normally just say “Yes” in some form of demon speak and later on slap him for thinking I was capable of actual communication.

    Like

    Posted by lauralord | January 30, 2014, 10:03 am
  3. For all the chatter I enjoy outside of the bedroom and to try to woo women into the bedroom (long long ago), once there, I am a non talker, even with my wife. I remember once a woman told me during foreplay to talk dirty to her. I thought about it for a minute and then laughed uncontrollably until she told me to just leave. Lol. I didn’t know what to say! I still wouldn’t. What the hell is dirty talk? On a similar note, a girlfriend I dated early in college used to say, “make love to me” when she was all aroused and ready to go, and that made me flacid for some reason. Okay then, TMI??!

    Like

    Posted by donofalltrades | January 30, 2014, 10:05 am
  4. Love it. And by “it” I mean this post, and dirty talk! It’s a must.

    Like

    Posted by bethteliho | January 30, 2014, 10:12 am
  5. Ironically, I can’t talk dirty in the bedroom. Everywhere else, F- bombs away. TMI…

    Like

    Posted by 1jaded1 | January 30, 2014, 10:13 am
  6. I’ll keep my bedroom habits to myself, thank you. BUT. I will tell you that my first time was incredibly awkward in the way only a first time can be, exacerbated by the fact that every time he moaned my name I said “what?” In retrospect, that’s hilarious and I’m an idiot. At the time, I had no clue. I was just bein’ polite…

    Like

    Posted by Steph | January 30, 2014, 10:21 am
  7. Perv.

    Like

    Posted by merbear74 | January 30, 2014, 10:22 am
  8. You had me at ‘talk’ -

    Like

    Posted by Rutabaga the Mercenary Researcher | January 30, 2014, 10:28 am
  9. TD-
    I would absolutely LOVE to comment on this one.
    But it’s just not a good idea.
    I am trying to scrub my blog personna.

    I do think it’s a great topic, and I hope bloggers jump into the fray. In the meantime,
    Go, Beatles!

    Like

    Posted by samara | January 30, 2014, 10:36 am
  10. No. Way.

    Like

    Posted by samara | January 30, 2014, 10:45 am
  11. Different strokes for different folks, as you would say. ; ) I guess it boils down to compatibility and again, striking that balance. I, like you, find the natural sounds to be very sensual. In my exposure, I have found the “talk” to be distracting. I have also come to terms with the fact that I’m not a good actress, nor do I like to be told what to do. Hahaha

    Like

    Posted by Pocahontas | January 30, 2014, 10:54 am
  12. Instead of diving in and getting smacked, why not ask her if she likes that kind of thing first?
    Communication…

    Like

    Posted by El Guapo | January 30, 2014, 11:10 am
  13. Dirty talk is something that you are either good at or not. I guess you can learn it, but there is no substitute for a woman who is… uh… verbally enthusiastic… shall we say.

    Like

    Posted by pouringmyartout | January 30, 2014, 11:52 am
  14. HAHA, such a good topic. I think dirty talk is funny and can never take it seriously. The only time dirty talk happens is usually because we are both drunk. Like this one time when I told my husband to park his car in the parking lot…that was the extent of my dirty talk.

    Great post!

    Like

    Posted by rynolexson | January 30, 2014, 12:09 pm
  15. Before I answer this question, I need to know what this ‘sex’ is you speak of…

    Like

    Posted by BrainRants | January 30, 2014, 12:32 pm
  16. Haha! This is great. It’s fun to talk about sex. ;-) I don’t know about dirty talk, but I will say that my husband and I actually talked about it when we were dating as far as asking each other if they liked it or not. I’m big on just getting stuff out in the open.

    Like

    Posted by Deanna Herrmann | January 30, 2014, 12:47 pm
  17. I would have laughed, too. Sometimes I laugh because of the awkwardness of dirty talk…unless there’s a couple of drinks in us first. That’s a game changer!

    Like

    Posted by La La | January 30, 2014, 1:11 pm
  18. Can’t do it, and luckily have never been asked to. I stumble over spoken words enough as it is… put me under pressure (hee hee) when my mind is focussed on other things and talking just isn’t going to happen coherently.

    Like

    Posted by djmatticus | January 30, 2014, 1:12 pm
  19. Can you see me? Well, I am holding my hands over my ears and saying: lalalalalalalala :)

    Like

    Posted by Robin | January 30, 2014, 1:24 pm
  20. it just seems so cheesy to me, and I can’t take it seriously. Some people really get into that kind of thing, but I’m not one of them.

    Like

    Posted by Katie | January 30, 2014, 1:29 pm
  21. Once I started writing again, I found it easier to access that part of my brain. Although it is still much easier to write it than it is to speak it, my brain doesn’t seem to convulse as much if I utter the words aloud.

    Like

    Posted by Polysyllabic Profundities | January 30, 2014, 1:58 pm
  22. You’re not weird. It’s all part of personality, and no personality is the “right” one or “wrong” one. It just is. When I was drinking, I could get, um, chatty, which merely added to the morning-after litany of shame and self-loathing.
    These comments are the best.

    Like

    Posted by rossmurray1 | January 30, 2014, 3:21 pm
  23. Oh my innocent ears! I can’t even think about answering your questions without turning red…

    Like

    Posted by behindthemaskofabuse | January 30, 2014, 4:31 pm
  24. Oh and the responses on here are just as funny!

    Like

    Posted by behindthemaskofabuse | January 30, 2014, 4:32 pm
  25. We tell jokes. If I can get her laughing hard, she gets… very amorous. Works every time, even with my sense of humour.

    Like

    Posted by Trent Lewin | January 30, 2014, 9:23 pm
  26. “Touch my no-no and make me squish-squish” LMAO great, now every time I have sex that phrase is going to pop into my head, I’ll laugh hysterically and I’ll have to try to explain that one. Thanks a lot TD! ;)

    Like

    Posted by C.K. Hope | January 31, 2014, 9:35 am
  27. Like you, I like the natural sounds of sex (if I remember correctly – it’s been a long time), hahahaha!

    Like

    Posted by benzeknees | January 31, 2014, 6:50 pm
  28. “Do you want me to talk to him?”
    Wow.

    Like

    Posted by The Hook | February 2, 2014, 5:40 pm
  29. There’s a song called “shut up and kiss me” by Mary Chapin Carpenter. The gist of the song is that talkers are all hype and therefore a big let down. And I can concur (like a doctor) with the embarrassment side of things. Don’t give me a running commentary, you’re not watching the horse racing!

    Like

    Posted by faithhopechocolate | February 4, 2014, 4:05 pm

We don't tolerate scum.

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