[Author's Note: Today I will be broaching a subject that I surprisingly have never broached before. At least, I haven't broached it on this here weblog. Today's topic will be sex. If you're not at all interested in reading about this, I will not be offended if you skip this one. Haha, just kidding. Yes I will. Seriously, don't read this if you're sensitive about sex.]
I recently had a discussion with a friend about dirty talk. The discussion began because of lewd emails that had recently become public. She told me she didn’t think I needed to worry about that ever happening to me, to which I concurred (like a doctor) because I couldn’t talk to a woman like that even if she wanted me to. Something about it has never felt right to me.
Obviously, for things to work in the bedroom you need to communicate. Unless you can read minds. I, however, can’t do that. I can’t even read my own. So some sort of communication is needed whether it be oral (pun intended) or subtly, or forcefully, moving your partner to a place or position in which you want them to be.
The first woman I was ever with was very, shall we say, conservative. To the point where she didn’t use terms, appropriate or otherwise, for sex organs. The first time she offered me fellatio this was, verbatim, how she asked: “Do you want me to talk to him?”
It’s okay to laugh. I did. Under my breath, though. I didn’t want my laughter to prevent her from speaking to him.
That was all I knew for a long, long time. Years later, when I was with a new partner, she was the polar opposite. The very first time we were, um, getting busy, she whispered, “I want you to fuck me.”
This time I did laugh. I couldn’t help it. I didn’t know how to respond to that at the time. I thought that’s what I was already doing. I had obviously never been talked to like that before and hadn’t the slightest clue on how to react to that statement.
She liked to talk dirty and wanted to be talked to thusly in return. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t make myself do it. I was uncomfortable with it. To this day I can’t pinpoint why. I mean, it’s not really degrading or disrespectful if your partner likes that and asks you to do it, but I just couldn’t.
I eventually was able to venture out of my comfort zone and say some lewd things to her, and her positive reaction to them made me feel more comfortable in doing so.
Still, even knowing that my partner prefers to be spoken to thusly doesn’t ease my discomfort. What if I cross a line? What if there’s a boundary there I’m unaware of? What about when I’m with someone new? How do I know if they’re okay with it? How do I know how far I can go? There’s only one way to find out and often times if you cross that line there’s no going back.
Personally, I prefer the sounds of love-making to anything that is said during the act. I guess I’m just weird that way. There’s just something about the way a woman moans….and that’s all I have to say about that.
Do you like dirty talk? Do you prefer to your actions speak for themselves? Or are you somewhere in the middle? Inquiring minds want to know.