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The Reason Bad Things Happen to You is Because You’re a Dumbass

Let’s pretend, dear reader. Pretend you’re a wanted criminal. The crime is irrelevant to this hypothetical situation, so whatever crimes you’ve always dreamed of committing but haven’t because you have, you know, morals…pretend you did that. Finally.

Next, let’s pretend that the police are so inept that they can’t catch you, which, let’s face it, isn’t much of a stretch so that part’s easy. They have pictures of you, yet they still can’t locate you. They post your mug shot on their Facebook page desperately asking anyone if they know of your whereabouts. You, as you’re perusing your Facebook feed, see this post with your mug shot and know they’re looking for you.

What do you do?

I think I’d pack my shit and get outta dodge. Or perhaps I’d go into hiding. Maybe I’d even leave the country. I know one thing I wouldn’t do is share the Facebook post and mock the police department. No one’s that stupid, amiright??

Sigh…

Meet Anthony James Lescowitch. Say hello, Anthony.

Hi. My name is Anthony, and I’m a dumbass.

Anthony was wanted by police for aggravated assault and they posted his mug shot to their Facebook page. He saw the post within minutes. He then inexplicably shared the post on his own Facebook page and mocked the department because they hadn’t caught him yet. In an unbelievable turn of events, he was arrested 45 minutes later by an undercover police officer.

Anthony is obviously not the brightest star in the sky as he was wanted for assault and violated his parole for, I can only assume, other crimes. But, c’mon. How can someone be so stupid? Right after he shared his own wanted mug shot on Facebook the police, using a dummy profile of an attractive woman, contacted him and asked to meet him. And he fell for it.

baby-facepalm.jpg

I’m automatically suspicious of an attractive woman if she seems interested in me, because I know no sane attractive woman would be. But Anthony must think he’s hawt stuph. He was all about the faux foxy woman and it was his downfall. Well, that and being a dumbass stupid enough to share the police department’s post about him being wanted. Moron.

Oh, well. That’s one more idiot off the streets so that’s good for the rest of us.

Link: Man posts own wanted poster to Facebook, arrested 45 minutes later

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Discussion

85 thoughts on “The Reason Bad Things Happen to You is Because You’re a Dumbass

  1. I wish I would have found this before you did! Bwahahahahaha!

    Good one!

    Like

    Posted by Fearless Leader | February 13, 2014, 2:14 pm
  2. I am in awe of the stupidity… But, I have to say, if the police ever posted something about me on Facebook for any of my (alleged) crimes, I’d be tempted mock them too. Except, I don’t have the book of faces. And, well, I obviously wouldn’t want to get caught so I wouldn’t give into temptation anyway.

    Like

    Posted by djmatticus | February 13, 2014, 2:14 pm
  3. I just hope he hasn’t been able to reproduce yet, which could only hasten our demise as a species. Hopefully, his bunkmate will take care of that for the rest of us.

    Like

    Posted by Ned's Blog | February 13, 2014, 2:14 pm
  4. What a moron! Wait, that’s an insult to morons…funny story.

    Like

    Posted by 1jaded1 | February 13, 2014, 2:24 pm
  5. Wow, what an asshat.

    Like

    Posted by merbear74 | February 13, 2014, 2:29 pm
  6. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha etc.
    Djeeze, ow did he even manage to commit a crime without screwing that up? It’s quite a wonder he didn’t try to rob the police office or something.

    Like

    Posted by No Blog Intended | February 13, 2014, 2:30 pm
  7. Genius.

    Like

    Posted by katebortell | February 13, 2014, 2:40 pm
  8. Not everybody can be as brilliant as we are, TD. And some come well shy of that mark!

    Like

    Posted by Elyse | February 13, 2014, 2:45 pm
  9. I do enjoy dumb criminal stories.

    Like

    Posted by pouringmyartout | February 13, 2014, 2:50 pm
  10. LMAO! Moron.

    Like

    Posted by aliceatwonderland | February 13, 2014, 2:53 pm
  11. Just when you think every possible dumbass thing has been done before, technology creates new ways for people to show off their stupidity every day…

    Like

    Posted by evilsquirrel13 | February 13, 2014, 2:58 pm
  12. I like to think that if I deliberately committed a crime, I’d have some sort of exit strategy.
    But crime isn’t really high on my list of things to do.

    And to paraphrase Dark Helmet (in deepest voice), “Once again, good defeats evil. Because evil is stupid.”

    Like

    Posted by El Guapo | February 13, 2014, 3:06 pm
  13. Oh the cajones!

    Like

    Posted by Marie | February 13, 2014, 3:19 pm
  14. If only all criminals where this stupid!

    Like

    Posted by behindthemaskofabuse | February 13, 2014, 3:24 pm
  15. What the heck??? That’s insane.

    Like

    Posted by outlawmama | February 13, 2014, 3:53 pm
  16. I can’t believe some people are so clueless. Great post, by the way.

    Like

    Posted by carolsalisbury | February 13, 2014, 4:06 pm
  17. I bet the cops were counting on him being a dummy and doing exactly what he did, re-post it or post on the picture or something. Ha!

    Like

    Posted by Claudia Bette | February 13, 2014, 5:26 pm
  18. Well, wow. But this guy makes me feel abruptly smarter about myself, and that is a true gift.

    Like

    Posted by Trent Lewin | February 13, 2014, 8:28 pm
  19. There are way too many stupid people out there. The sad thing is that they procreate which therefore makes more stupid people…

    Like

    Posted by Daile | February 13, 2014, 8:37 pm
  20. Apparently jacknut didn’t know how FB works. What a dolt.

    Like

    Posted by C.K. Hope | February 13, 2014, 9:28 pm
  21. The title of this blog is a one-sentence summary of my entire fucking life.

    Like

    Posted by BrainRants | February 13, 2014, 9:30 pm
  22. Ego is our greatest failing, isn’t it? Wow. Do they still give out Darwin awards for these kinds of guys? If so, they need to same a new category after this guy.

    Like

    Posted by carrythemessage | February 13, 2014, 11:25 pm
  23. It’s this type of dumbass idiocy that keeps me sane :) thanks for the giggle ;)

    Like

    Posted by wannabepoet | February 14, 2014, 2:34 am
  24. I love the comment the police posted later, according to the article:

    ‘ In no small ironic twist, the Police Department announced the arrest on its own Facebook page. “CAPTURED!!!!!! SHARES OUR STATUS ON FACEBOOK ABOUT HIMSELF, CAPTURED 45 MINUTES LATER.” ‘

    Like

    Posted by Pixie Girl | February 14, 2014, 5:41 am
  25. Haha, this is so awesome.

    They would never catch me because I’m not on Facebook!

    Like

    Posted by climbing bean | February 14, 2014, 7:22 am
  26. Thank goodness I hold on to my notifications, this was one not to be missed.
    Criminals in general must be awfully stoopid because they seem blissfully unaware that their ass will be caught.

    Like

    Posted by Maggie O'C | February 14, 2014, 7:55 pm
  27. That is one dumb ass- soul. I won’t be offering him the wiener of peace!

    Like

    Posted by stephrogers | February 15, 2014, 12:13 am
  28. That’s…dumb isn’t the right word. Maybe ‘lemming’ or ‘dodo’.

    Like

    Posted by bardictale | February 15, 2014, 12:17 pm
  29. I miss Red Foreman…

    Like

    Posted by The Hook | February 16, 2014, 7:27 am
  30. I agree, 1 more idiot off the streets is a good thing!

    Like

    Posted by benzeknees | February 17, 2014, 2:32 pm
  31. You know, we really should look into building a “colony” on the moon. Don’t bother building anything, just get all the dumb morons to go and drop them off in a spaceship, leaving them in their space suits with a limited supply of air. Each delivery should be several weeks apart, in case any one moron gets smart enough to nick the oxygen off the other morons.

    Like

    Posted by faithhopechocolate | February 25, 2014, 9:15 am

We don't tolerate scum.

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