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Blunt Life Coach

Blunt Life Coach Has Had Enough

BLC2

Good afternoon, fuckwits. Just kidding. I don’t mean that. At least, I don’t mean the “good afternoon” part. I definitely meant the fuckwit part. I’m digressing already. Let’s get back on track, shall we?

On the extremely slim chance you’ve forgotten what it is I do here (you’re a dumbass if you have), I answer questions posed to me Dear Abby style because my superior intellect dictates that I do so because with great knowledge comes great responsibility. Unfortunately, my inbox has been filled with fuckwitted questions instead of by people genuinely needing my legendary advice. Hopefully, today’s questions will be more on par with what I’m aiming for.

Let’s open the mailbag, shall we?


Name: evilsquirrel13
Website: http://evilsquirrelsnest.wordpress.com
Here is what I need advice for…: What is it that possesses some bloggers to put up that stupid fake WordPress snow on their blogs every December?  It’s not cute, it distracts me from reading their garbage, it slows down the response time and makes leaving a smartass reply next to impossible, it makes anyone’s blog resemble a 12 year old’s MySpace page, and let’s face it… it looks more like a bad case of dandruff than real snowfall.  Being the BLC, you should have some strings you can pull behind the scenes to make sure this shit is disabled before the next holiday season rolls around, don’t you?

Well, ES, the virtual snow annoys the piss out of me, too. I got enough of that shit on Hoth. Luckily, there is an option you can check in your settings that will block the virtual flakes of doom from showing up on any blog you visit. So long as you’re logged in, that is. I’d give you directions on how to do that, but since it is no longer the holiday season the option is no longer there. Bastards.

Name: pouringmyartout
Website: http://pouringmyartout.wordpress.com
Here is what I need advice for…: I don’t have another question, I just want to say I enjoyed the answer to my last one. I actually walk around whistling that song, and then singing “if I only had a brain” at the top of my voice.
Okay, one question? Do you have a spare brain laying around?

How do you exist? I mean, how is it possible that your utter lack of intellect hasn’t killed you? You should be a Darwin Award recipient by now.

This is supposed to be an advice column, not a place for you to proudly display your asshattery.

Name: behindthemaskofabuse
Website: http://www.behindthemaskofabuse.com
Here is what I need advice for…: BLC: What if a child’s education isn’t theee most important thing, what if the commute for DJ takes him away from being there for his child to much?! OH and what’s with comparing me to Arthur so often, are you running out of stuph?!

This should have been left as a comment on the last post, not a “request for advice” on a new post. Do you actually require advice with something?

The comparisons between you and Art are because you always submit nonsensical “questions”, you both seem to be under the delusion that you’re funny, and you’re both pests. You are both like flies hovering over the food at a picnic. No matter how many times I swat at you I always miss and you never go away.


I guess it’s too much to hope for decent questions from this particular group of readers. I guess I’ll have to go back to answering questions submitted to Dear Abby. This is such a low blow to my ego, but I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. All of you follow Twindaddy willingly, so there’s obviously a complete lack of intelligence here.

Do you need advice from Blunt Life Coach?  If so, submit a question below!

Like Blunt Life Coach?  Check out his other stuph here!

*WARNING* Blunt Life Coach is an abrasive asshole. Please be advised that he will answer comments rudely. This is all done in good fun, but if you’re easily offended please do not leave a comment.

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About Twindaddy

Sometimes funny. Sometimes serious. Always genuine.

Discussion

99 thoughts on “Blunt Life Coach Has Had Enough

  1. It’s not my fault BLC that you have bad aim with the fly swatter. It’s also not my fault that, I’m able to dodge you!

    Like this

    Posted by behindthemaskofabuse | February 17, 2014, 1:38 pm
  2. I give you great credit for the asshattery comment.

    My video game name is Rebel Scum.

    Like this

    Posted by Trent Lewin | February 17, 2014, 1:45 pm
  3. BLC,

    I’m going to be facepalming the rest of the day over Art’s comment.

    Alice

    Like this

    Posted by aliceatwonderland | February 17, 2014, 1:50 pm
  4. Gotta love it. The snowflakes are distracting and lame. : )

    Like this

    Posted by Pocahontas | February 17, 2014, 1:54 pm
  5. Those sodding snowflakes give me migraines.

    All the link clickage was inspiring – I got to read about Hoth, the Darwin Award, find out that these are actual blogs (I’m new to the evil squirrel party) and wonder if these are, in fact, real questions.

    Because Art would not be in the least concerned if you had a spare brain. He’s a happy go lucky sort of fellow.

    This put a much needed smile on my Monday face. And we know you live to make me smile. Despite that menacing gravatar.

    Like this

    Posted by samara | February 17, 2014, 2:01 pm
    • Samara,
      If my antics put a smile on your face then we’ll get along famously. And you obviously don’t know Art well at all.
      Blunt Life Coach

      Like this

      Posted by Twindaddy | February 17, 2014, 2:03 pm
      • But, can I ask a question?

        For real?

        Or is this a Thing?

        Like this

        Posted by samara | February 17, 2014, 2:24 pm
        • Samara,
          Please specify if your question is for Twindaddy or Blunt Life Coach.
          Blunt Life Coach

          Like this

          Posted by Twindaddy | February 17, 2014, 2:27 pm
          • Okay, I thought I had to actually enter them in the little grey box above.

            Blunt Life Coach-
            What do I do about assholes who write blogs how they just want to find that right woman and that’s all they ever write about and when you tell them that’s all they ever write about they deny it and the next day they’re fucking POSTING about it – again – until you wish you could just slap them furiously until their brains rattle about in their big, dumb, head?

            And can you get me some Xanax?

            Like this

            Posted by samara | February 17, 2014, 2:32 pm
          • Samara,
            Normally, you would enter them into that box, but it seems to be malfunctioning today.

            As for the assholes you refer to, the first thing you do is unfollow, because who wants to read that shit? Next, when said blogger denies what is plainly obvious to everyone else, congratulate that idiot on his or her move to the lovely state of denial. Sadly, the virtual bitch-slap has not been invented yet, otherwise I’d be using the fuck out of that thing. There’s not much else you can do, unfortunately.

            As for Xanax, I’m not sure where you can obtain this wonderful drug, but I hear a nice night in with copious amounts of alcohol works, too.
            Blunt Life Coach

            Like this

            Posted by Twindaddy | February 17, 2014, 2:39 pm
          • BLC-

            You are so wise, I’m sure you will soon be inventing The Virtual Bitch Slap.

            Actually, we just did. Let this be our thing.

            The VBC. Yay! We have a thing! Or, maybe it’s mine with TwinDaddy.

            Copious alcohol….yes, TwinDaddy speaks of this, too. It’s very popular this time of year.

            Like this

            Posted by samara | February 17, 2014, 3:03 pm
          • Samara,
            Alcohol should always be popular. This is one of the few instances where Twindaddy is correct.
            Blunt Life Coach

            Like this

            Posted by Twindaddy | February 17, 2014, 3:05 pm
          • Even better-
            I want to award bloggers VBC’s – like a BADGE-

            please? Pretty please?

            We’ll do it lovingly. It will be all in good fun.

            bwahahahah

            Like this

            Posted by samara | February 17, 2014, 3:06 pm
          • Samara,
            This is actually a good idea, but only if we do it without love. If you want to bitch-slap someone there’s not usually love involved so we should avoid all pretense of love. Let’s just be, well, blunt about it.
            Blunt Life Coach

            Like this

            Posted by Twindaddy | February 17, 2014, 3:09 pm
          • BLC-
            Are you suggesting I just land in someone’s comment section with a kick ass graphic (that you’re going to design) and say, WE now present you with the VBC (Virtual Bitch Slap)!

            Now, get a grip!

            This could be our thing. Our thing. We’ll have a “thing”. A mean thing, to be sure, but it’ll still be a thing.

            Like this

            Posted by samara | February 17, 2014, 3:11 pm
          • Samara,
            I don’t see any problem with that suggestion.
            Blunt Life Coach

            Like this

            Posted by Twindaddy | February 17, 2014, 3:15 pm
  6. BLC….How long is a short piece of string?

    Like this

    Posted by Fearless Leader | February 17, 2014, 2:22 pm
  7. Fuck snow. Fuck flakes. Fuck flakes of snow.

    Like this

    Posted by BrainRants | February 17, 2014, 2:28 pm
  8. I asked my first question – I don’t know what I’m doing here though because I’m a new follower.

    Like this

    Posted by benzeknees | February 17, 2014, 2:41 pm
    • Benze,
      Your question has been received and will be answered in the next post. As for not knowing what you’re doing, no one else here does either, but you’re the first to admit it so you’re obviously smarter than the rest.
      Blunt Life Coach

      Like this

      Posted by Twindaddy | February 17, 2014, 2:44 pm
  9. Why the hell do you need virtual snow on Hoth???

    Like this

    Posted by El Guapo | February 17, 2014, 4:43 pm
  10. BLC I love you.

    Like this

    Posted by stephrogers | February 17, 2014, 4:46 pm
  11. I get what you say about the faux snow, but to get down to brass tacks – why does it hurt when I move my arm like *this*?

    Like this

    Posted by carrythemessage | February 17, 2014, 7:07 pm
  12. BLC, now that the holiday season is over, how do I make my blog show snowflakes to irritate other bloggers?

    Like this

    Posted by List of X | February 17, 2014, 7:08 pm
  13. Hi, BLC,
    I’m not in need of any life coaching at this time. Thank you for your time.

    Like this

    Posted by Eva | February 17, 2014, 7:14 pm
  14. Thanks for answering my question BLC… you’re so much more awesome than TD! I’ll bet you’ve never ended a word in “eh”….

    Like this

    Posted by Anonymous | February 17, 2014, 11:09 pm
  15. That’s actually some top notch advice with the snow feature right there. I just wish it also worked with snow in real life.

    Like this

    Posted by Aussa Lorens | February 18, 2014, 1:01 am
  16. BLC,
    I feel like I’m late to the party again. And was someone talking about me while I wasn’t here?
    Anyway, good stuff, as always… well, with the questions you have to work with. I just submitted a real question, so hopefully that will be the start of others also submitting questions that are seeking your exceptional wisdom and advise.
    Matticus

    Like this

    Posted by djmatticus | February 18, 2014, 2:26 pm
  17. Dear BLC-
    You are AMAZING.
    And I can’t spell.
    Please fix my abbreviation for virtual bitch slap to VBS? Pretty please?
    I think I was so taken aback by your charm and whatnot that I used a C instead of an S.
    I’m a former spelling bee champ. This won’t do.

    Like this

    Posted by samara | February 18, 2014, 7:35 pm
  18. Testing, testing…

    I tried to give the BLC some props the other day for respectfully and thoughtfully answering my question, but I think TD was trying to block my comment because he found out I didn’t like chileh. I shall look for the button next year to drown out the snowpussies…

    Like this

    Posted by evilsquirrel13 | February 19, 2014, 8:41 am

We don't tolerate scum.

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