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Virtual Bitch-Slap

You’ve Been Virtually Bitch-Slapped

[Editor's Note: The Virtual Bitch-Slap is something which was concocted by Samara and I. We created the Virtual Bitch-Slap because some people are just too far away to justify the travel expenses that would be incurred simply to slap the shit out of someone. This idea is meant to be a playful tool used amongst bloggers, but I have something else in mind for it today...]

When I was growing up, I remember seeing a series of Maytag commercials littered among all of the different programs I watched. The commercials featured a Maytag repair man (and sometimes his partner who I seem to recall was an idiot) who was lonely and bored because Maytags never break down, thus they never require repair.

As a teen I would watch these commercials and wonder to myself, “Why do they have Maytag repair men if they aren’t needed?” Of course, I’m always very critical of commercials because I hate them with an inexplicable passion. Oh, well. We all have our foibles.

Three years ago my (then) wife and I bought a Maytag washer and dryer set from The Home Depot (pronounced by Revis as Home de Pot [get your pot here!!]). After three years of owning these appliances, I simply must say…

Gordon Jump as the Maytag repairman

Maybe he’s bored because people don’t trust Maytag after their products fail so spectacularly after purchase. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

THOSE COMMERCIALS ARE BULLSHIT!

For some time the machine hasn’t agitated while the wash cycle is running. Then, the spin cycle quit working. So, my washing machine, for all intents and purposes, became a soaking machine. We had to wring out the clothes by hand once the “washer” was finished because the clothes were dripping wet. And of course the machine only had a one year warranty on it.

So today a repair man (from Sears, not Maytag because fuck those guys) came and replaced an actuator that was essentially a switch for the motor to go from agitate to spin. Or something. That’s what I got out of his explanation. I know how to operate washers, not how they work. Anyhow, I had to drop $240 to get my washer working again, which is more than half of what we paid for it. What a crock.

So it is with mock-enthusiasm that I present Maytag with the first ever Virtual Bitch-Slap.

virtual bitch slap

Fuck you, Maytag. I hope you felt that.

*If you wish to use the Virtual Bitch-Slap by all means do, please give credit, though.

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Discussion

116 thoughts on “You’ve Been Virtually Bitch-Slapped

  1. I love this, and I will be using this virtual bitch slap in the future!

    Like

    Posted by spreadincrazysmiles | February 18, 2014, 5:50 pm
  2. Sounds well deserved. I’ll keep it in mind when we replace our washer. A washer should last longer than 3 years. Total BS that yours didn’t.

    Like

    Posted by Rhonda | February 18, 2014, 5:55 pm
  3. Haha! I am so going to save that gif for future use

    Like

    Posted by stephrogers | February 18, 2014, 6:14 pm
  4. But…but tv is our friend. It wouldn’t lie to us.

    *turns on music and opens Consumer Reports*

    Like

    Posted by El Guapo | February 18, 2014, 6:36 pm
  5. Oh no! I would have been almost worth it just to buy a new washer, even if from Kijiji. You can get great stuph on Kijiji!

    Like

    Posted by behindthemaskofabuse | February 18, 2014, 7:10 pm
  6. We actually sold a decent washer and dryer for $150 on kijiji

    Like

    Posted by behindthemaskofabuse | February 18, 2014, 7:11 pm
  7. i had my washing machine fixed today too!

    Like

    Posted by icescreammama | February 18, 2014, 8:11 pm
  8. Yay! The VBS!!

    Now, how the heck do I deliver that? I’m not all techie and cool like you.
    That GIF is hilarious. I watched it over and over, and just kept laughing. Is there something wrong with me?

    Like

    Posted by samara | February 18, 2014, 8:16 pm
  9. Charlie Murphy!! I love the GIF. Give it some time to make the rounds…they’ll be VBS’s all about and who knows…it might find it’s way all the way to the President of the Interweb. He needs one for the all those viral kitten videos.

    Like

    Posted by carrythemessage | February 18, 2014, 8:43 pm
  10. Yay! One big bitch slap fest. : )

    Like

    Posted by Pocahontas | February 18, 2014, 8:55 pm
  11. A virtual bitch slap for everyone! I feel like I should tell you that I might abuse this privilege. In fact, you should probably take it away from me now, before I bitch slap All The Internets!

    Like

    Posted by Steph | February 18, 2014, 9:08 pm
  12. I cannot believe you just ragged on Arthur Carlson.

    Like

    Posted by Trent Lewin | February 18, 2014, 9:26 pm
  13. Nice…

    Like

    Posted by 1jaded1 | February 18, 2014, 10:24 pm
  14. Fuck Maytag. Fuck big everything. Also, I’ve administered a virtual bitchslap to myself in advance, just in case. ‘Cause… you know. And bacon.

    Like

    Posted by BrainRants | February 18, 2014, 10:36 pm
  15. It’s not Maytag’s fault, TD. You bought an appliance designed for mediocrity and large repair bills. They’re all the same. The all suck. Remember when the warranty lasted longer than the number of seconds you could hold your breath? Damn I am feeling old.

    Like

    Posted by Elyse | February 18, 2014, 10:53 pm
  16. When you advertise your products as unbreakable, you are just asking to get bitchslapped… and hard….

    Like

    Posted by Anonymous | February 18, 2014, 10:56 pm
  17. Have you tried bitch-slapping the washer? Sometimes it can actually get an appliance to work again.

    Like

    Posted by List of X | February 18, 2014, 11:36 pm
  18. I know we were supposed to feel bad for the Maytag guy, but that was really a sweet gig. he sat around, got paid, and did nothing all day.

    Like

    Posted by The Cutter | February 19, 2014, 10:35 am
  19. I remember that guy… he was also Arthur Carlson on WKRP in Cincinnati…

    Like

    Posted by pouringmyartout | February 19, 2014, 11:06 am
  20. Love it! Sorry about the repair bill :-/

    Like

    Posted by Deanna Herrmann | February 19, 2014, 11:15 am
  21. Oooohhhh….great idea…hmmm….should have used that for Frigidaire. Ugh.

    Like

    Posted by Kayjai | February 19, 2014, 11:23 am
  22. hahaha, loved it!

    Like

    Posted by Cynthia | February 19, 2014, 12:13 pm
  23. Ouch. Well, they had it coming.
    Hard to believe that replacing a couple parts would cost more than half of what it was new… Blah. Are there any companies that make solid products anymore?

    Like

    Posted by djmatticus | February 19, 2014, 1:50 pm
  24. As the proud owner of a DVR, I also hate commercials! I hate commercials, especially the one to make me weepy – like those phone ones!

    Like

    Posted by benzeknees | February 19, 2014, 2:15 pm
  25. I, too, shall use the virtual bitch slap in the near future!!!!!

    Like

    Posted by Nicole Marie | February 19, 2014, 5:30 pm
  26. Love the idea! Will definitely be using it in the future. My first target won’t be Maytag though; it’ll be GE. Total pieces of shit.

    Like

    Posted by Suzanne Lucas | February 21, 2014, 1:13 pm

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Pingback: Get Over It: Quit Your Bitching, Change Your Life | QueenBeeingQueenBeeing - June 7, 2014

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