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Thoughts from the Throne

Thoughts From The Throne: Mistakes

*Composed and posted from my phone. Please excuse any grammatical errors.

Mistakes. We all make them. From time to time we make a judgement call that ends up hurting others. Sometimes, we make a decision to do what is best for us which is not necessarily best for those whom we love. Sometimes the mistakes are small, such as breaking someone else’s property. Sometimes the mistakes are huge, like breaking someone’s heart.

It is our right to be upset with someone else when they make mistakes. It’s natural, in fact. You cannot help but be disappointed, or perhaps hurt, when someone does something that hurts you in some way. Yet so often mistakes break relationships. Whether that relationship is romantic, a friendship, or familial, many of us lose those we love over honest mistakes.

I’ve only recently come to terms with my fallibility. There was once I time when I could not see my mistakes even when they were laid before me in all their inglory. These days I see my mistakes all too well. From time to time I think of those mistakes and the people who suffered for them. Most of those people are no longer a part of my life. They decided that what I had done was so monumentally cruel that they no longer wanted anything to do with me. On one level, I understand their decisions. I understand making those choices from a place of darkness and suffering. I have made those choices myself in the past. On the other hand, I would give anything for those people to see that though I hurt them, it was completely unintentional and that my one mistake doesn’t define me as a person or make me a different man than the one they came to know. I would love for them to look past my poor decisions and forgive me for my stupidity and see me once again as they once did.

It was with those thoughts in mind that I did not immediately dismiss my ex-wife when she recently asked me to consider giving us another go. I gave her an entire list of reasons why I didn’t think we could make this work. She had a counterargument for each of my points. More importantly, she accepted her part of the blame for the fall of our marriage, which is something she had never done before. She implored me to give her a chance to prove that she had changed, and for reasons beyond my understanding, I took that leap of faith.

So far things have gone well. Though some things picked back up right where they left off, other things have been different. It seems she has finally accepted me for who I am.

I admit that I need to step up my game and make an effort to make things that are important to her important to me and I hope I’ve done a good job of that so far. But she’s also made an effort to let me have some time to do things that are important to me. Our communication, which I believe was our biggest issue before, is working better than it ever has in the past.

So far I’ve been trying to balance keeping my guard up and letting her back in. I’ve slowly been giving her myself piece by piece. I admit I’m afraid. I’m afraid that we’ll somehow end up right where we were before, but we’re both different people now. We’ve both been broken and are slowly putting oursleves back together. Most importantly, we never stopped loving each other.

It’s awesome when you’re able to look through someone’s mistakes and see who they are at their core. One or two lapses in judgement does not make one a horrible person; it makes one human.

I urge you all to keep in mind, if you happen to be casting stones, that you’re imperfect, too. We have all made mistakes and all of our pasts are littered with poor decisions. If someone comes to you and admits their mistake to you and is genuinely apologetic, I believe that person is worthy of a second chance.

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Discussion

70 thoughts on “Thoughts From The Throne: Mistakes

  1. Simply brilliant .. liked it .. I will continue to follow your blog .. check mine and share feedback pls.. its sachinmanan.wordpress.com

    Like

    Posted by SachinManan | March 8, 2014, 11:49 am
  2. We do all make mistakes and all we can do is learn from them and make the changes we need to make to be a better person in the future.

    Like

    Posted by Rhonda | March 8, 2014, 11:54 am
  3. I have that same situation happening.
    It seems like the older we get, the more wary we are of people and less tolerant of the faults of others, especially the people we have had “history” with.
    But, nothing ventured…nothing gained.
    Scared money doesn’t make money
    Fool me once….

    Like

    Posted by treyzguy | March 8, 2014, 11:58 am
  4. Will keep my fingers crossed for you.

    Like

    Posted by Trent Lewin | March 8, 2014, 12:00 pm
  5. Wonderfully written and completely true. The best/worst part of being human are our mistakes. You are still awesome. :D

    Like

    Posted by LauraALord | March 8, 2014, 12:15 pm
  6. When you say “from the throne” are we talking a porcelain throne?

    Like

    Posted by LivingDeadGirl | March 8, 2014, 12:28 pm
  7. Mistakes…may we all be able to see past them.
    Good luck to the both of you^^

    Like

    Posted by bardictale | March 8, 2014, 12:38 pm
  8. Exceptionally heartfelt and error-free, considering the position I assume you were in while writing. Good wishes to you both.

    Like

    Posted by Steph | March 8, 2014, 12:41 pm
  9. Very best wishes. A person who does not continue to evolve never really grows to their full potential. I always tell my kids and those I teach that we learn more from one mistake than we do from all our success. I wish you both the best of luck. Yes your heart might get broken, but you will never wonder” what if?”. A very brave thing to do to revisit a past relationship.

    Like

    Posted by tric | March 8, 2014, 1:10 pm
  10. Best of luck in new chances. We all deserve them. Lovely to know that forgiveness and acceptance is alive and well.x

    Like

    Posted by scottishmomus | March 8, 2014, 1:25 pm
  11. You Mr. Grammar police want me to forgive your grammatical errors?! LOL

    Like

    Posted by behindthemask | March 8, 2014, 1:48 pm
  12. Congratulations. I wish you the very best. : )

    Like

    Posted by Pocahontas | March 8, 2014, 2:15 pm
  13. We all have to make ourselves vulnerable to progress and grow. All the best to you both.

    Like

    Posted by the curtain raiser | March 8, 2014, 3:35 pm
  14. You have some deep thoughts from the shitter, TD. I wish nothing but the best for you, always. :D

    Liked by 1 person

    Posted by merbear74 | March 8, 2014, 4:13 pm
  15. I think this is a horrible idea. I remember you were quite traumatized by her betrayal, and understandably so. In your own words (from http://stuphblog.com/2013/04/17/rant-hypocrisy/):

    “YOU ended this. YOU decided our marriage wasn’t worth your time or effort any more. YOU went on a date the very NIGHT I was moving my things out of the house and had the balls to post the fucking date in your Google calendar, which you had shared with me. So don’t talk to me about your hurt feelings when you’ve never given a damn about mine…Furthermore, I cannot fathom how you can tell me you no longer love me and then get sick to your stomach by the thought of me being with someone else.”

    And from http://stuphblog.com/2013/03/21/the-thin-line-between-love-and-hate/:

    “My heart, however, can’t get past the broken promises. It can’t get past the lies. The betrayals.”

    Her behavior and her betrayal was more than a mere “mistake”. You should still forgive her (i.e. harbor no ill will toward her, act friendly and cooperate with her especially around the kids, etc.) but giving your trust to someone who has already violated it is just asking for another betrayal. You don’t have to take her back in order to forgive her.

    Good luck…

    Liked by 1 person

    Posted by Null | March 8, 2014, 5:52 pm
  16. Mistakes, you’ve made a few, but then again, too few to mention . . . good luck.

    Like

    Posted by aliceatwonderland | March 8, 2014, 7:14 pm
  17. If you made any grammatical errors, I didn’t notice. I was too into what you wrote. So sorry to have been away so long. I loved what you had to say and I wish you both the best of luck. On a side note: Your blog looks freaking awesome. I’m super jealous and want to ripmine apart now and start over.

    Like

    Posted by ArticlesofAbsurdity | March 8, 2014, 7:38 pm
  18. oh i’m so happy to hear that you’re giving it another go… slow and steady right? maybe love – with open eyes and an open heart – really can conquer all. :)

    Like

    Posted by icescreammama | March 8, 2014, 7:42 pm
  19. Thinking good thoughts for you, TD.

    Like

    Posted by Eva | March 8, 2014, 7:52 pm
  20. Wow! Owning one’s past hurtful behavior is incredibly humbling and a sign of growing into a better person. I think it is great that you and your ex are giving things another try. It takes time to rebuild trust. She needs to understand that. In the meantime, if there is true forgiveness, neither of you should bring up the hurts from your past to use against the other person. I know you didn’t ask for my two cents; but I have been there and back again. And I have been married 34 years. Sometimes, it’s a breeze. Sometimes it is hard work. I am in your corner and wishing you all the best.

    Like

    Posted by Robin | March 8, 2014, 8:34 pm
  21. There are some things I can forgive. There are some I’m unwilling to.
    (That’s one of my imperfections.)

    Hope it all works out for your whole family!

    Like

    Posted by El Guapo | March 8, 2014, 11:07 pm
  22. I hope this time is the charm, dear. Just want you happy. Treat each other well and with respect. Good luck.

    Like

    Posted by 1jaded1 | March 9, 2014, 12:27 am
  23. I believe in second chances – but I still hope you’re not making another mistake. But you’re a better judge of your situation than I am.
    P.S. That was a genius move, by the way: to get people to forgive your typos by including them in a post about accepting mistakes. :)

    Like

    Posted by List of X | March 9, 2014, 12:40 am
  24. I do not believe you make any mistakes… unless this turns out to be a huge one… and would a post that was ‘composed and posted’ be a ‘composted’ post?

    Like

    Posted by pouringmyartout | March 10, 2014, 5:54 pm
  25. There are a lot of things I can forgive, but not deliberate cruelty or abuse of any kind. My last relationship hit me once & I was out the door & never went back. He tried & tried to get me back, I couldn’t forgive him & I couldn’t ever trust him again. I can let a lot of things slide if I feel the other person is making an honest effort to become a better person, but not that.

    Like

    Posted by benzeknees | March 11, 2014, 4:42 pm
  26. This explains the presence of superbitch on newer posts. Will be praying for you both.

    Like

    Posted by faithhopechocolate | March 18, 2014, 1:50 pm

We don't tolerate scum.

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