[Stuph Maphia, please welcome back Emily, of The Waiting fame, who is here to release some pent up anger. This is just the perfect place to do that...
Anyhow, please ensure that after you enjoy this heaping of literary goodness Emily has served up that you head on over to her blog and click on the magical follow button. You know you want to. Hell, if I could follow her twice I totally would.]
Twindaddy knows me, y’all. Knows-knows me. (Ugh, not in a biblical sense. Get your minds out of the gutter. You’re going to have to find today’s big blogging scandal elsewhere.) He knows that even though I write about the syruppy sweet moments I encounter daily as the mama of a toddler, I have a dark side. I have a right to bitch, and today I’d like to extend a hearty thank you to my favorite Stormtrooper for giving me the opportunity to let it rip.
When TD first invited me back to Stuphblog, I had a wonderfully righteous rebuttal to the lady who called her toddler an asshole on the Huffington Post. Maybe her words struck a little too close to home – I daily wonder if my own kid is a burgeoning jerk because at the age of two all people are somewhat horrible – and I was good and ready to give her a big ol’ finger wagging for telling us what we all already knew. Maybe I was just jealous that it was her post that went viral and not mine. Apparently, jealousy makes me prudish.
However, that post is going to take a backseat for now because this morning I learned that something far worse than parents calling their kids four letter words exists in this world, and I feel morally obligated to tell you about it. Knowledge is power, and maybe by spreading the word about this crime against humanity I can do my small part in stamping it out.
After breakfast each morning, my husband and I indulge our daughter a little. We let her select a short video to watch on YouTube before we shovel her off to get dressed and brush her teeth
against her will. This morning, as toddlers are want to do, she started maniacally clicking on videos in the sidebar to her old standby, Peppa Pig. I haven’t yet decided how I really feel about ol’ Peppa, but for now, I think she’s not horrible, so I was a little confused why C all of a sudden hated her with the fury of a thousand suns. In her maniacal thwomping of videos, she eventually landed on the most inane fifteen minutes of drivel I have yet found on the Internet:
An “unboxing” video of Disney Easter eggs by some gal who calls herself Disney Collector.
You can watch the video yourself, but I don’t recommend it. I have already sacrificed some of my own precious brain cells by viewing it and I wouldn’t want you to do the same. Instead, let me explain what is going on here.
There is apparently a market for videos on YouTube of people doing nothing more than opening boxes and/or containers. They describe their contents for the onlookers of the Internet, often with absolutely no editorial commentary. These videos are wildly popular, many having millions of views.
Think about that for a moment.
Instead of going outside and smelling the flowers, drawing a picture, reading a classic piece of literature, or hell, even watching a better video on YouTube (and yes, “Gangnam Style” qualifies), there are people who spend the precious time they have here on Earth watching videos of people opening up crap on YouTube. And not just interesting crap. I mean, I have wasted a couple hours of my life on Storage Wars marathons because at least there’s an element of drama and surprise when the folks on that show start rummaging through all the stuff they just bought. But in a Disney Collector video, there are no treasures of actual value or provenance to be opened. Nope, all you ever see are plastic pieces of garbage made in China.
Item after item after item.
The video we watched was fifteen minutes long. (I turned it off after five because watching it literally made my entire life flash before my eyes). Fifteen f*#&ing minutes of the Disney Collector opening up plastic Easter eggs emblazoned with children’s characters and filled with toys that are likely sold for 1000% more than they are worth. In a moment of absolute indiscretion, I checked out the video’s comment thread and and facepalmed myself into oblivion when I learned that the people who watch these video are dead serious about them. Where are the trolls when you need them? We need to sic the folks of Anonymous on Disney Collector and her minions.
Am I missing something here? Has our society sunk to such a place that this is what we elect to entertain ourselves with? I could maybe rationalize the popularity of these videos if a chorus line of puppies came out and did the can-can midway through the video.
What amazed me was that when my husband came in the room, all I had to do was say “I think we’ve made it to the end of the Internet and it is a bleak place,” and he immediately replied, “Oh. Are you watching a Disney Collector video.”
WTF. Even he knows about this.
I really don’t get it. At all.
Dear Stuphbloggers, can any of you shed light on why anyone would want to watch this stuff? Is there some kind of unboxing fetish that I am just not aware of? Do these videos help insomniacs fall asleep? Are they used as torture devices in Third World countries? Please tell me there is a point to this that I’m just missing because, seriously, I’m a tad peeved at humanity right now that some schools can’t get funding for arts and music programs but the Disney Collector is going strong.