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Editorials, MLB, Virtual Bitch-Slap

Virtual Bitch Slap: Boomer Esiason

I’m pissed off, man. So pissed off, in fact, that I’ll be handing out the second ever Virtual Bitch Slap here on Stuphblog.

So, I’m a Cincinnati Bengals fan, as most of you know. Any of you that are NFL fans know that Boomer Esiason was one of the best quarterbacks in Bengals’ history. He took the team to the Superbowl and came within seconds of winning it. He is regarded highly by many Bengals fans, and by many NFL fans in general. His work in raising awareness and funds for Cystic Fibrosis has been spectacular, even if it is because his son, Gunnar, has been diagnosed with it.

I say all this so you know that I’m not taking on Boomer lightly. I had high regard for him until just a few minutes ago.

I’m a father, obviously. You can deduce that from my moniker. I was lucky enough to be able to take a month off from work when the twins were born because I had accumulated enough sick time and vacation time to do so. When Baby C was born I was able to take off two weeks to be with him. I had saved all of my vacation time to do so. I did this for a plethora of reasons. I wanted my children to know me. I wanted to bond with them. I wanted to hold them. Hug them. Kiss them. I wanted to help the women who carried my children, who both had c-sections and were on restrictions. The bottom line, though, is I wanted to be with my children.

New York Mets 2nd baseman Daniel Murphy, who I had never heard of until today, skipped opening day because his wife went into labor with their child. He then decided to take a paternity leave for the next two weeks so he could be with his family. I like him already.

Enter Boomer Esiason, who has his own radio talk show on CBS Sports. His cohost, Craig Carton, asked him about the situation. Carton stated, prior to asking Boomer about the paternity leave, that he didn’t see a good reason for Murphy to take a paternity leave if the wife and child made it through the birth in good health.

Then, Boomer, who has always been very opinionated, opened his insipid trap and uttered a string of inane bullshit which completely turned my opinion of him upside-down. “Bottom line, that’s not me,” said Esiason. Fair enough. Not everyone can or wants to take time off work. Then he continued. “I wouldn’t do that. Quite frankly, I would have said ‘C-section before the season starts. I need to be at Opening Day. I’m sorry, this is what makes our money, this is how we’re going to live our life, this is going to give my child every opportunity to be a success in life.’”

Snort

There is so much wrong with his way of thinking here that even Miley Cyrus thinks he’s stupid. First of all, doctors won’t normally perform a c-section unless it’s a medical necessity. You don’t get to just choose when your child comes. That’s up to your child. Secondly, taking two weeks off of work (that’s what the MLB is, a job) is not going to deprive Murphy’s child any opportunities for success in life. Thirdly, if you’re placing money before your child, you already suck as a father. Money is important, sure, but time is something you can never get back.

Boomer Esiason, you have lost my respect. Your comments reek of sexism. Like it’s the mother’s job to stay at home and take care of the child while the man goes off to work. Taking care of a newborn is not a fucking walk in the park. The child is up every two to three hours and needs to be fed and changed in that same span of time. An infant doesn’t just come right home from the hospital and sleep through the night. Your shortsighted and naïve comments are insulting to fathers like myself and Daniel Murphy who actually want to be a part of our children’s lives from the beginning and not just when they’re old enough to play sports.

The bottom line, in this situation anyhow, is that as a Major League Baseball player Daniel Murphy makes a good living and it makes sense for him to work while his wife stays home. That, however, doesn’t mean he should be crucified by assholes with big mouths and misguided opinions for wanting to take some time off to be with his wife and newborn child. Any good parent should understand this and accept it. The fact that Boomer doesn’t makes me question just how good of a father he really is.

So, for stupidity above and beyond the call of duty, I present Boomer the Virtual Bitch Slap.

virtual bitch slap

I hope that fucking hurt, Boomer, you jacknutted douchetard. You deserve it.

*Here is video of Boomer’s idiotic comments, along with his buddy Carton saying some stupid shit, too. 

 

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Discussion

76 thoughts on “Virtual Bitch Slap: Boomer Esiason

  1. Yeah… If you are putting that kind of emphasis on money, you probably shouldn’t have children in the first place. Well deserved bitch slap, TD. Thanks for making sure it got delivered.

    Like

    Posted by djmatticus | April 3, 2014, 1:25 pm
  2. What an ignorant tard.

    Like

    Posted by 1jaded1 | April 3, 2014, 1:26 pm
  3. When I woke up to the sound of a virtual bitch-slap this morning, I wondered where it came from. Now I know, and it was well-deserved. I have to think that way of thinking is a reflection of his generation and the “man of the house” mentality of his era. Still, it’s no excuse for ignorance and judgement on someone else’s choice as a father when the intentions are good ones. Well done, Twindadddy.

    Like

    Posted by Ned's Blog | April 3, 2014, 1:37 pm
  4. By the way, I dont know why there’s an extra “d” in there. Must’ve been leftover from that bitch-slap…

    Like

    Posted by Ned's Blog | April 3, 2014, 1:38 pm
  5. Yep, he’s an asshole alright.

    Like

    Posted by Paul | April 3, 2014, 1:44 pm
  6. Hah – LOVE THIS! All. Of. This. I read about this earlier today and gave out my own virtual bitch slap so thanks for taking the other cheek. I can’t believe he even gets paternity leave. That’s amazing! Men at my law firm don’t even get that (unless they do what you did and just horde their vacation time). Boomer, if you want to get nit-picky, don’t blame the player for exercising his right to take those two weeks. Blame the union! They’re the ones that got the leave for him.

    Idiot…

    Like

    Posted by ardenrr | April 3, 2014, 1:52 pm
    • This is a topic for another post, but I often feel men get the short end of the stick sometimes when it comes to parenting issues such as this. Of course, then there are idiots like Boomer who open their mouths and people are like, “Well that’s why!”

      Like

      Posted by Twindaddy | April 3, 2014, 1:55 pm
      • I definitely think y’all do! My brother-in-law works for Microsoft and they give their employees a month off that they can use anytime up to a year after the child’s birth! That’s amazing! Since my Mom was staying with them at first, he waited a while and then took it later. It was great!

        Like

        Posted by ardenrr | April 3, 2014, 1:57 pm
  7. As someone who can’t have children, this is hard to hear, slap him again for me.

    Like

    Posted by behindthemask | April 3, 2014, 1:57 pm
  8. 100% agreed. and thanks for linking to my article in the “related content” area! Boomer, carton and Francesa all deserve huge slaps!!!!

    Like

    Posted by fathersworkandfamily | April 3, 2014, 1:57 pm
  9. Douche nozzle.

    Like

    Posted by nancytex2013 | April 3, 2014, 2:01 pm
  10. First off, your choice of wording in your piece is excellent. Secondly, that man is disgusting but, honestly, his stance doesn’t surprise me. I’m pissed off but not surprised.

    YOU, TD, are an exceptional Daddy. Not because you did all the daddy stuff all dads should do but because you WANTED to. This Boomer man had no desire to miss his opening day because that, obviously, took precedent.

    So sad…

    Like

    Posted by Eva | April 3, 2014, 2:07 pm
  11. Do it again, TD. Do it again!

    Like

    Posted by icescreammama | April 3, 2014, 2:38 pm
  12. what an asshole… and I say that as a proud house-daddy before it became popular or even accepted… now… is it wrong that I sort of want to piss you off until you virtually bitch slap me???

    Like

    Posted by pouringmyartout | April 3, 2014, 2:56 pm
  13. “opened his insipid trap and uttered a string of inane bullshit”

    Literature Hall of Fame stuff right there. A storm trooper pic next to it. haha, awesome~

    Like

    Posted by Chowderhead | April 3, 2014, 3:19 pm
  14. Glad to see your response to the ridiculously insensitive and short-sighted comments about Daniel Murphy taking paternity leave. The whole attitude of the presenters was over the top and they also didn’t get all their facts right. From reading Scott Behson’s blog ‘Fathers, Work and Family’, I gather than the MLB paternity leave is only for something like 2-3 days and not 2 weeks. Even if it was 2 weeks (which is what almost all men here in the UK are entitled to), I’d not have an issue with that. You’re so right that it’s time you can’t get back. I couldn’t imagine not having taken paternity leave.

    Like

    Posted by Jonathan | April 3, 2014, 3:31 pm
  15. Two thoughts: Equating money with love never works out in the end. And be thankful that you don’t have a job that requires you to pretend to be something you’re not. (My husband had to miss our 6-year-old’s b-day breakfast this morning because he had an important meeting to go to. I’m sure he’d actually rather have been at home, but I also know that he didn’t say that at work.)

    Like

    Posted by christi74 | April 3, 2014, 3:45 pm
  16. For the very first And most likely last time in history I have to say I agree with Miley Cyrus.

    Like

    Posted by Renee | April 3, 2014, 4:03 pm
  17. Yeah, I saw that bit of foolishness. The apology will come along in a day or two. You’ll see. People don’t like to hear multi-millionaire jocks talk about a woman who’s 9-months pg like she’s in the way. An annoyance.

    Like

    Posted by Exile on Pain Street | April 3, 2014, 6:15 pm
  18. Guy needs a serious kick to the head.

    Like

    Posted by Trent Lewin | April 3, 2014, 8:28 pm
  19. Spot on.

    Like

    Posted by Elyse | April 3, 2014, 10:32 pm
  20. This Boomer guy probably had some serious brain damage from his football career. Seriously, it’s not like you’re the only guy on the team who can play baseball or football.

    Like

    Posted by List of X | April 4, 2014, 1:35 am
  21. Well deserved virtual bitch slap, and excellently written post.

    As always :)

    Like

    Posted by wannabepoet | April 4, 2014, 5:03 am
  22. I just looked it up… Murphy’s only taking the three days of paternity leave allowed by MLB’s CBA, not two weeks. When I read that in your post, I thought I finally figured out why this is even a story in the first place…

    I know how you and many others feel about this, but the truth is the day a professional athlete is allowed to take a two week paternity leave in-season is the day the Cubs win the World Series on the heels of a Browns Super Bowl victory…

    I agree with the bitchslap though. Convenient birth-on-demand is so last decade in sports….

    Like

    Posted by evilsquirrel13 | April 4, 2014, 8:33 am
    • Well, if he wanted to take two weeks the club should let him, whether or not the CBA allows it or not. That being said, my issue was with Boomer’s primitive opinions and views.

      Like

      Posted by Twindaddy | April 4, 2014, 8:37 am
      • I know, and I did agree with that…

        On the Murphy point, though, I’m not sure if they could let him take two weeks even if they wanted to… they could only replace him on the roster for three days, and would literally be playing a man short for the other 11. He would probably have to go on the “restricted list”, which would probably mean he wouldn’t get paid during that time. Then again, I know that’s not the point, especially when you are making Murphy’s money…

        Like

        Posted by evilsquirrel13 | April 4, 2014, 8:42 am
  23. People…

    Like

    Posted by bardictale | April 4, 2014, 11:10 am
  24. Maybe we should send BLC around to this bloke and give him the application form to apply to go live on the new “colony” on the moon? (The “colony” where they have to find things for themselves… Such as oxygen…)

    Like

    Posted by faithhopechocolate | April 6, 2014, 3:23 pm
  25. Kids ahead of money? Yep. Bitch slap deserved. 100%

    Like

    Posted by stephrogers | April 7, 2014, 9:30 pm
  26. Couldn’t watch the interview because it was not available in Canada, but I’ll take your word for it. I don’t listen to radio & I REALLY DON’T pay attention to American sports but even I heard about this because every misogynistic sports announcer on every damn sports broadcast had an opinion about it! I watch CFL football all the time & nobody says a word against a player being away because his wife is giving birth (it’s happened) or a family member became deathly ill on game day (again, it happened). Maybe Canadians are just more understanding – even though half our players are American born.

    Like

    Posted by benzeknees | April 9, 2014, 3:13 pm
    • It’s not uncommon down here. Players miss time for the birth of a child or a death in the family, but it’s never a big deal. I don’t know why it was this time, but I was aghast after hearing what these clowns had to say about it.

      Like

      Posted by Twindaddy | April 9, 2014, 3:39 pm

We don't tolerate scum.

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