Bigstuph Blog – Thoughts from Steve

“Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. 14 But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.

Jesus tells us that only a few will find the narrow road. In 1 Corinthians 5, Paul warns us to avoid those that are “part of the body”, but that are given into lust, greed, sexual immorality, and the like. I am so very far from perfect, but I am beginning to find out that the only way for me to be lead by the spirit is to die daily to my selfishness. I am not a good person in my own power. I can do NOTHING without the control and power of the Holy Spirit. I am starting to conclude that God can only use those that are humble, broken, and selfless. I only have a handful of friends that consistently fall into those categories.

I am starting to get a sense that the Body of Christ is smaller than I had imagined. I am so quick to trust anyone that claims to be a Christian and I give them the benefit of the doubt. Sure I have a lot of Christian friends, but I know of very few that are giving up everything in following Christ. I want friends that will love me through anything. They will call me out when and if I get out of line. This narrow road is difficult, and I need to connect to a few that will help me through anything.

Over the last couple of years I have been working in my head what it means to follow the “narrow road”. In Matthew 7:14, Jesus said, “But the gateway to life is very narrow and the road is difficult, and only a few will ever find it.”
I have been really working through this in my head. After reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan and Radical by David Platt, along with countless hours in the word of God, I am concerned about how narrow my path really is.

The American dream is in direct contrast to the Gospel message, and yet everyday I feel like I give the majority of my time to the American nightmare.

My wife and kids have made a conscious decision to lighten our dependence on worldly possessions, and yet I don’t feel like my life is difficult. Despite the typical worries of running a business, paying bills, and keeping my head above water, I live a pretty simple life.

I usually take two showers a day, I eat what I want, when I want it, and I usually go back for seconds. As we burn away our dependence on worldly possessions, I still feel like my “moderate” standard of living is still somewhat excessive.

I want God’s eyes. I want to walk this narrow road with the few that God has placed in my life. Something tells me that what I envision as narrow, and what Jesus illustrated are two different things. For the most part people like me. I very rarely feel isolated or persecuted. Although I do feel crazy sometimes as many of my friends have told me that you can’t take Jesus’ words literally…such as love your enemy, bless those that curse you, turn the other cheek, etc.
Jesus may your ways become my ways. May my image of the narrow road be the image that brings your glory in my life.

I love Thursdays! My 12 year old daughter Kassie and I get to have our “daddy-daughter” date over breakfast every Thursday. A couple of weeks ago, as we were driving to our favorite breakfast spot (Bubbalou’s), we were having a conversation about worry.

I asked Kassie, do you remember when you never worried about anything? She laughed and said, “Those were the good ole days.” We talked about life as a “kid” (as opposed to a young woman of 12…almost 13:). As a kid you are completely dependent on your parents, and at the same time completely content on that dependence. You worry about nothing. I remember saying to Kassie, “Remember when all you had to worry about was whether you wanted Grape Jelly or Strawberry Jelly on your PB&J. She laughed, as she said “yeah…those were the good ole days.”

As we sat down for breakfast and ordered our food, our conversation continued about how amazing it would be if we completely depended on God and lived with total contentment in that relationship.

My daughter is amazing. I often tell her that when I grow up, I want to be JUST LIKE HER. Her faith and reliance on God is amazing. She loves God with every fiber of her being. She loves reading His word, and she always reminds me that God is in control. Almost daily she texts me or calls me to give me the verse God laid on her heart for me. What an inspiration. Oh to be like Kassie.

Once the food arrived, she blessed the food (I love to hear her talk to God), and she immediately handed me her bacon (this is our routine), and dove into her French Toast. As she was eating, I shouted, “Oh NO!” and she immediately responded with “What’s wrong Dad?”. As she looked at me she saw me staring at the two servings of Jelly that I had strategically placed in front of me. I then elaborated, “I don’t know if I can handle this!”. “What should I do?” At this moment I was using the best drama skills I could muster as I was trying to decide between grape and strawberry jelly. Once she saw the jelly dilemma in front of me, she squealed in laughter. I thought she was going to wet her pants. It was hilarious.

As a result I snapped the picture on my iphone, and recorded this day in my mind for eternity. God, bring me back to the day where my PB&J decisions are the only things that I worry about.
Jesus commanded us not to worry…Today I want to find complete contentment in my dependence on God.

In 24 hours we had 60 volunteers come together

Yesterday was a weird day.

Since my childhood I have accrued some baggage that makes me look at the world and consequently God in the wrong way. We all have baggage, but if you don’t deal with it, you end up having to haul a bunch of things around that slow you down in life. These bags make it hard to travel on life’s journey.

Yesterday I sat and wrote out all my messed up perspectives. As children we are sometimes “marinated” in these false or harmful perspectives. I am not one to blame my past for the mistakes I make today, but I certainly can see patterns in my life that are consistent.

I want to be free of my baggage. Yesterday, I shared ALL of my insecurities and skewed perspectives with my 18 year old son. In someways it was a real risky proposition. Up until this point I have always tried to be STRONG in his eyes. This false bravado is the opposite of true authentic vulnerability. My son graduates in less than 3 weeks, but I felt “lead” to show him the real broken me.

I don’t remember the last time my son and I had a real life conversation that lasted an hour. Maybe when he was still a small child and hung onto every word that I spoke. Over the last year I have watched him grow into an adult and one that is in a passionate pursuit of God.

I let him read my deepest insecurities and frustrations that have shaped my life. I showed him my crazy world that I live in everyday. When he was done reading he began to minister to me in a way that no one else could. He started by saying, “Dad, I understand what you are going through.” He went on to give me advice on how to fight against the attacks of the enemy. He encouraged me to be a warrior, and yet love those that hurt me in a supernatural way. We talked a lot about The Matrix and Braveheart, and Lord of the Rings Trilogy. My 18 year son laid out an action plan that can change the world – at least MY world.

Initially I felt guilty for relying on my son who is searching for life’s path as he prepares to head out into the “real” world. When we were done talking I felt as though I had a lot less baggage in my life. As importantly, this morning when he went off to school he looked me straight in the eyes and told me he loved me. I don’t remember the last time my son looked me in the eyes with such affection and love. Today I am a warrior. My son reminded me who I am in Christ, and that we wrestle not against flesh and blood.

I will never be the same.

The cost of following Christ is EVERYTHING.    In Luke 14:33 it says unless you give up EVERYTHING you can not be my disciple. What does that mean?  I want to follow Christ.  I am willing to give you EVERYTHING.