Bigstuph Blog – Thoughts from Steve

Over the last couple of years I have been working in my head what it means to follow the “narrow road”. In Matthew 7:14, Jesus said, “But the gateway to life is very narrow and the road is difficult, and only a few will ever find it.”
I have been really working through this in my head. After reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan and Radical by David Platt, along with countless hours in the word of God, I am concerned about how narrow my path really is.

The American dream is in direct contrast to the Gospel message, and yet everyday I feel like I give the majority of my time to the American nightmare.

My wife and kids have made a conscious decision to lighten our dependence on worldly possessions, and yet I don’t feel like my life is difficult. Despite the typical worries of running a business, paying bills, and keeping my head above water, I live a pretty simple life.

I usually take two showers a day, I eat what I want, when I want it, and I usually go back for seconds. As we burn away our dependence on worldly possessions, I still feel like my “moderate” standard of living is still somewhat excessive.

I want God’s eyes. I want to walk this narrow road with the few that God has placed in my life. Something tells me that what I envision as narrow, and what Jesus illustrated are two different things. For the most part people like me. I very rarely feel isolated or persecuted. Although I do feel crazy sometimes as many of my friends have told me that you can’t take Jesus’ words literally…such as love your enemy, bless those that curse you, turn the other cheek, etc.
Jesus may your ways become my ways. May my image of the narrow road be the image that brings your glory in my life.

As much as I want life to evolve around me. Today I realized it does not! Over the last few weeks I have been asking the question, “what does it mean to deny myself?” In order to follow Christ I need to deny myself, take up my cross, and follow Him. I call myself a Christian, but am I following Christ?
Today it hit me like a ton of bricks. God’s will is opposite of My will. In order to follow Christ, I have to surrender EVERYTHING. My selfish will is built around what I want, how I want the world to see me, as well as how I can control my world.
I am “out of control”. I never have been in control, I just think I am. In order for me to live out my Christian walk, I have to start by denying myself. In order for God’s spirit to work through me, I must deny myself.
Until I deny myself, I am only fooling myself. Today I surrender. Tomorrow I must start over.

This year two words come to mind as I look to set goals.
Dependence and Contentment

This year I want to be content and completely dependent on God. Interestingly enough these two characteristics are somewhat “childlike” in their origin.

Lord, Help me to be childlike in my ways in 2010

I don’t know what I really think about blogging.  I read so many blogs that seem so self serving or self promoting.  I don’t like promoting myself.  Quite honestly I don’t have too much to promote…as it relates to me.  Instead I want this blog to be more of a journal of my journey to walk out my faith.    I am just figuring out where I really am in this journey of faith.  I was raised Methodist, then was taken to various charismatic churches when my mom was “filled with the spirit”.  I ended up going to middle school and high school at a very fundamental Baptist school.  I ended up at a southern Baptist college. I have seen almost everything.  I have been apart of the seeker sensitive movement at different levels.   In 1995, I became a part time youth pastor at a SBC church in central Florida.  Today, I consider myself a mutt.  I have seen authentic faith in every denomination that I have attended.  But for the most part, I have seen more hypocrisy than I have authentic faith. Boy is it easy to find fault in the church!  But what about me?  This is a journal of my faith.  Here is what I realize:

Matthew 7:4-6 (New International Version)

4How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. 

Now I have to begin the slow process of documenting my faith journey.  No one may ever read this blog, but that does not matter. Today I am a follower of Christ.  It has only been in the last few months that I can honestly claim that I have fully understood what it means to believe…simply put, I must “be living” my faith.

Stay tuned.