Bigstuph Blog – Thoughts from Steve

Yesterday was a weird day.

Since my childhood I have accrued some baggage that makes me look at the world and consequently God in the wrong way. We all have baggage, but if you don’t deal with it, you end up having to haul a bunch of things around that slow you down in life. These bags make it hard to travel on life’s journey.

Yesterday I sat and wrote out all my messed up perspectives. As children we are sometimes “marinated” in these false or harmful perspectives. I am not one to blame my past for the mistakes I make today, but I certainly can see patterns in my life that are consistent.

I want to be free of my baggage. Yesterday, I shared ALL of my insecurities and skewed perspectives with my 18 year old son. In someways it was a real risky proposition. Up until this point I have always tried to be STRONG in his eyes. This false bravado is the opposite of true authentic vulnerability. My son graduates in less than 3 weeks, but I felt “lead” to show him the real broken me.

I don’t remember the last time my son and I had a real life conversation that lasted an hour. Maybe when he was still a small child and hung onto every word that I spoke. Over the last year I have watched him grow into an adult and one that is in a passionate pursuit of God.

I let him read my deepest insecurities and frustrations that have shaped my life. I showed him my crazy world that I live in everyday. When he was done reading he began to minister to me in a way that no one else could. He started by saying, “Dad, I understand what you are going through.” He went on to give me advice on how to fight against the attacks of the enemy. He encouraged me to be a warrior, and yet love those that hurt me in a supernatural way. We talked a lot about The Matrix and Braveheart, and Lord of the Rings Trilogy. My 18 year son laid out an action plan that can change the world – at least MY world.

Initially I felt guilty for relying on my son who is searching for life’s path as he prepares to head out into the “real” world. When we were done talking I felt as though I had a lot less baggage in my life. As importantly, this morning when he went off to school he looked me straight in the eyes and told me he loved me. I don’t remember the last time my son looked me in the eyes with such affection and love. Today I am a warrior. My son reminded me who I am in Christ, and that we wrestle not against flesh and blood.

I will never be the same.